Second Chances
by ImagineRie
Summary: When Eli finds out Clare's baby is his, can he win her back? Or will he lose everything?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello lovely friends. New story. So excited for you guy's to read this one! It's all told from Eli's point of view, I may occasionally throw in Clare's pov. It's going to be long, you've been warned. And Nah, Degrassi isn't mine. Why do you guy's always ask me?**

The thoughts racing through my mind were relentless, they have been plaguing my mind ever since Clare uttered those words. "I'm pregnant." That would have been enough to complicate things, but then she twisted the knife. She confessed it was Drew's, not mine. I never had imagined she could be with anyone else but me in that way, but I especially never thought she'd be with him. Loving Clare Edward's is all I have known for so long, imagining her having a child with someone else kills me. It eats away at my soul every second of the day. I loved her so much though, so much so that I still tried to be with her after finding out the child wasn't mine. I promised to always stay by her side, no matter what, but I couldn't keep that promise anymore. I couldn't sit across from her and pretend that everything was fine with us, when it wasn't. I pushed her away, I did everything in my power to make her think I didn't love her anymore. A week ago she came to talk to me about something that she said would "fix everything" and I called her a whore before she could explain what she was talking about. She walked away in tears, and I hated myself for it. When she was out of sight I broke down, I couldn't believe I had done that to her. I had no choice though. I couldn't let her pull me back in, I had to let her go. I wanted Clare to be happy, even if it wasn't with me. Despite how much I hated Drew, I knew he would take care of her, and her baby. I wished so bad that I had just stayed in New York, because seeing her and Drew together was getting to me, more than I ever thought possible.

I was on my way to pick up Imogen from Degrassi, her car was in the shop, and all I could think about was seeing Clare there, and what It would do to me. When I pulled up to the parking lot Imgoen wouldn't answer my calls or texts, and eventually I had to go looking for her. I made my way inside the school, my black high tops squeaking against the floor. It felt like I had stepped into a time machine, to a time when everything was better. Even walking through the hall's made my chest ache, and my head pound. Every locker, and every class room reminded me of memories with Clare. Memories I wish I could forget. The hall's started to clear, and there was still no sign of Imogen. I decided to give up my search, and I headed towards the front doors. I was so deep in thought I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and I ran into someone. I immediately started to apologize and pick up the persons belonging's they had dropped. When I looked up the see the face of the person I ran into, it was none other than the person who had ruined my life, Drew. I stood up, and dropped his things back on the floor. I began to walk away, but he called my name, "Eli!" I wanted to keep on walking, forget I ever saw him, but my curiosity over took me. What could he have to say to me? I stopped in my tracks, and against my better judgment, turned around to face him.

"What? What could we possibly have to say to each other?" The distain in my voice was apparent, I was coming off confrontational, but It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

Drew's face was soft, and the pity in his eyes heavy. That only further angered me. "Eli, this has to stop. We live in the same town we cant avoid each other forever." My face twisted in confusion, was he serious? Was this going to be a "let's be civil" conversation?

"Drew. I don't mean to come off harsh, but fuck you. Fuck you, and anything you have to say. I don't give a shit about you, or Clare. You both sicken me. The sight of you two makes my skin crawl, and If I can help it we wont be running into each other, so don't worry."

"You know what, this isn't worth it. You're pathetic, and you don't deserve Clare or that baby, I hope you wake up one day sad and alone and you realize everything you could have had, but don't. All because you're a hard headed coward. You don't know how lucky you are." Drew left me standing there alone, more confused than ever. Was he really trying to rub it in my face? He took Clare and my future away from me, how could he say I was lucky. What did he expect me to do in this situation? I stood there pondering over our encounter when the sound of the office door's opening caught my attention. It was Clare. Drew was no doubt probably waiting outside for her, this is why I should have never come back. It was like every day in this town was "shit on Eli day." We made eye contact, and even though it pained me to see her, I savored the moment. Looking into her eyes made me weak, it made me want to beg for her forgiveness. It wasn't an option anymore though, it never would be again. Clare looked away and walked passed me wiping he face. I grabbed her arm to stop her, she shot her head up to look at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had been crying. I shouldn't have stopped her, and I should have let go as soon as I realized what I had done, but my heart made me do stupid things. My voice was matter of fact when I spoke to her, and I tried to keep any sign of emotion off of my face. "Clare. Why are you crying?"

Clare's face hid nothing, the pain in her eyes was evident. "You need to let go of me, now. Don't ever touch, look, or even think about me again. I hate you, with every fiber in my being, I hate you Eli Goldsworthy." I let go, and she continued to walk out the doors. Before I could let what she said sink in, my phone began to rang. I answered it.

"Hello? Imogen, what the hell. Where are you?"

"I'm sorry Eli, I forgot to tell you I got another ride home. I hope you aren't mad, I completely forgot."

I wanted to tell her how pissed I was, but she was the only friend I had left. "It's fine, no problem."

"How about I go over and we play that zombie game you like? I'll bring pizza, my treat?" I wanted to tell her it was ok, that she didn't have to buy me pizza to have my forgiveness, but I couldn't be alone right now. If I was alone I would have to think about what Clare said to me, the longer I could put off that pain the better.

"That sounds great Imogen, see you at my house in a bit." I hung up the phone and exited the doors, I saw Clare was getting into Jakes car. My eye's skimmed over the parking lot, my car was the only one left, Drew was long gone. Had they been fighting? Was that why she was crying? It wasn't my business, but I wanted to know more than anything. The only reason I pushed her away was so that she could be happy, happy with someone who would love her and the baby. I couldn't do that for her anymore, all I would see when I looked at her baby was Drew, and the betrayal and hurt she caused me. I faught the urge to call out to her, and walked away. It was best this way.


	2. Chapter 2

Imogen made it to my house before me, I wasn't surprised. I walked into my room, and she already had a piece of pizza in her mouth. When she saw me she dropped the pizza back into the box and ginned, "Eli! What took you so long!" I stared at her, not able to speak. Could I be so broken that I couldn't even pretend that I was ok anymore? My jaw was clenched tight, and I was shaking. Imogen frowned and walked over to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Eli, it's ok." She didn't have to ask me what was wrong. That was the great part about having her for a friend, she always knew what was going on with me, even when I sometimes didn't. She pulled me into a hug, and I began to cry. She patted my back, and sighed. "Eli, tell me what happened." I hysterically choked out my words.

"She hates me! She hates me, and I hate myself. The one good thing I ever had, and it's gone Imogen. It's...It's just gone." Imogen pulled away from me, and walked me to my bed. "I can't sleep, I cant think, I can't eat, I can't breathe Imogen." She sat beside me, and set her head on my shoulder.

"Eli, it isn't all bad. Look on the bright side of things." I stood up in front of her and put my hands on both sides of my head, what was with everyone today?

"How can you say that? All I have heard today Is how lucky I am, what do I have to be happy about? The love of my life is having a kid with the biggest idiot jock I have ever met, and everyone wants me to be happy? What the hell Imog-"

"Eli. Shut up. That baby is yours."

I dropped my hands back down to my sides, and my eyes grew wide. "What? Why are you saying this Imogen? Explain now."

"Well you see everyone has been talking about it, Clare made an oooopsy. She didn't know how far along she was, she found out she was too far along for it to be Drew's. Then when Clare found out she didn't tell Drew right away, when he found out from Dallas he got super pissed, and went off on her in front of everyone. She cries everyday at school, the gossip has got pretty bad. Anyways, so I thought you would of heard by now." I had to hold onto my wall for support, that baby was mine? Clare's, and mine? "Well, congratulations!" Imogen threw her hands in the air, and smiled wide at me.

"Then why were you comforting me, what did you think was wrong?"

"Oh well you know Clare's leaving good ol' Canada and all, I thought that might have put a damper on your day."

My face twisted in confusion again, I couldn't handle all these curve balls. I was becoming erratic. "Leaving? Imogen where? Why!"

"I dunno why, she isn't really my friend. You know the whole "screw over my best bud thing" kind of makes things awkward between us." I was grateful for the information but Imogen was always so nonchalant about things, and she often didn't get to the point very fast. I had to get to the bottom of things.

"Imogen! This is serious! Please." My eyes were full of desperation.

"I'm sorry Eli. All I know is she's moving to New York today, I know nothing else." Her voice was small.

"It's ok, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just don't understand, why wouldn't she just tell me? Why would she go to New York without saying anything, she knows it would have changed everything!" I was tugging at my hair with my hands, trying to understand, when it hit me. She did, she tried to tell me. The thing she said would "fix everything" was that, that I'm the father. Instead of listening, I called her a whore, I made her cry. Today, the reason she was crying...what Drew was saying. It all added up, I was just so stupid. "Imogen, I need your help. Can you help me?"

"Anything Eli Goldsworthy, I am at your service." She saluted me, and made a serious face.

"I need you to help me buy a plane ticket, I have to go to New York. I have to find her, and our baby. I promise, I'll pay you back."

Imogen smiled and pulled out her credit card, "Don't worry about it, go get the girl Eli."

I threw my arms around her, "Thank you Imogen. This means the world to me, you're the best friend a guy could ask for. And I will pay you back."

Imogen pulled away from me and wiped a tear from her cheek, "Well go on you big goof, you're wasting time!" I nodded and ran out, I had to get to Clare. I didn't know her mindset, she probably felt so alone. It was all my fault, the biggest mistake I ever made was giving up on us. Weather or not the baby had turned out to be mine, I shouldn't have ever pushed Clare away like that. I had to make her see that I wanted her, I wanted them. I pulled my phone out to call her, and it went straight to voice mail. I had no idea where she was staying, or who she was with. I didn't feel like I had a right, but I had no choice, I called Drew. To my surprise, he answered.

"Hello, Drew?"

"What Eli, what?" He sounded frustrated.

"Drew I didn't know, I didn't know the baby was mine today when I talked to you at the school. I feel terrible asking this of you, but do you know why Clare went to New York? Do you know where she's staying? Anything would help me, please. I'm desperate." Drew sighed on the other end, and then there was a pause. I almost thought he hung up. "Drew? Hello?"

"I'm here. Eli, I thought you knew. Clare is in a dark place, I'm partly to blame. I've been very cruel to her this last week. Today we had it out again, and she blurted out something about adoption. As far as where she's staying, I can't help you there. I'm sorry Eli."

It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. Adoption, would Clare really give our baby away? Had I made her feel like that was really her only option? "No, no. It's alright, thanks."

"Well if that's all, I guess Ill let you go. Good luck."

"No! Wait, I just want to say I'm sorry for today. I'm sorry for punching you and everything else, I can't say I'm not happy it's my baby...but I'm sorry you thought it was yours for all this time. I want you to know Clare wouldn't have done this on purpose."

"Well, it is what it is. At least now we can close the door on this mess. Bye Eli." Drew hung up the phone as I pulled up to the air port. Come hell or high water I was going to find Clare. I was going to make her understand that adoption is not the answer. Giving up on us, it was never the answer.


	3. Chapter 3

My eyes were closed, but I could not sleep. I had been sitting on a plane for what seemed like day's, in actuality it had only been an hour. I had never been so impatient, I had to stop Clare from making a huge mistake. Staring out of the plane window I silently scolded myself, how could I have been such an idiot. Drew's words "you don't deserve Clare, or that baby" kept echoing in my head. As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. It had been a long time since I had done anything to deserve Clare, let alone a baby. When I went away to school I was so confident that everything would be easy, but things were harder than I had anticipated. I cracked under the pressure of keeping Clare happy from a distance, and I ruined something so amazing. I spent every day since our break up blaming her for everything, but It was me. I was the one who cheated, lied, and I was the one who couldn't even reply to a simple phone call. I remember my parents telling me that we were moving, I was so angry, I thought my life was over. Then I met Clare, and everything bad that had ever happened to me went away. I swore I would never do anything to hurt her, I swore it. So how was I here on this plane panicking and scrambling to save our relationship, because I cant even get her to answer the phone? I snapped out of my deep thought and noticed I was the only one left on the plane, I had been zoning out like that a lot lately. I grabbed my stuff and headed out of the plane. I turned my phone on and scrolled through my contacts, and then I came across her name. She was the only one of my friends from New York who was actually from there. I had no choice but to call her.

Concern, and surprise dripped from her voice, "Eli? Is everything ok?"

"Lenore. Hey. Yeah, It's fine. Well sort of, I have a favor to ask, and no right to ask it. I'm going to ask though, because I am desperate."

"What is it?" Her voice was hesitant, and small.

"I'm in New York, I'll be here for a few days. As you know the dorms are closed, and I have no where to stay. I would be indebted to you forever if you let me stay at your place, I promise I will stay out of your hair. I'll be out running errands most of the time. It's just, it's just really important."

"Ok. You can stay."

"Really? Thank you so much Lenore, I'm sorry for asking. The way we left things was..."

"Let's not talk about that right now, I'll see you soon." Lenore hung up the phone and I felt a twinge of guilt for asking this of her, but I had no where else to go. Lenore was great, and at one time part of me had thought I could of actually been with her. That was a joke though, one phone call from Clare had me running the other direction, hell one visit had me on a plane back to Canada.

Lenore sent me a drop pin to her place, and I arrived in the estimated time of 20 minutes. My first step was going to be calling every adoption agency in New York, calling Clare again, calling Clare's mom, and even the police if I had to. I would check every restaurant, hotel, and park in the city. I wasn't going to let her go, not without a fight. I walked up Lenore's drive way and knocked on the door, there was no answer. I knocked again, nothing. I was in a hurry to start searching for Clare so I opened the door, otherwise I wouldn't have been so intrusive. The house seemed empty, but I could hear voices talking in a room down the hall. There was a very familiar voice that stood out to me, so I ran down the hall and on impulse I swung the door open. It was Clare, I didn't have to search or call anyone, she was standing in Lenore's room of all people.

"Clare. What, what is this? Lenore? Someone explain to me." My mouth was half open, and I was truly relieved to see her.

Clare looked at me with hate in her eyes, "Well Elijah, since I'll be living in New York I thought It would be best to get to know our friend Lenore here. See, I had to know what It was that made her so irresistible that you just had to cheat on me." Clare's tone was dripping in sarcasm, she was so full of hate, almost unrecognizable.

Lenore gave me a sympathetic look, "I'll be outside if you need anything Eli" she shut the door behind her, leaving me and Clare alone. She started walking towards the door, but I grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks.

"No, you're not going anywhere. You're going to talk to me, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. That isn't my business though, I could care less. Let go of me."

"No, not until you explain to me what's going on."

Clare gave in, "I came here because I had to know, I had to meet the girl that ruined it all. I came here thinking I had to meet the root of all this mess, but now I see the real problem is, and always has been you. " Her words sliced my wounds open even deeper than before.

"No, no I'm not. I came here to look for you Clare, I'm here because I love you. I didn't come here to mess around with Lenore, nothing even close. I would never make that mistake again. "

Clare's pale skin turned pink in anger, "Love me? Did you hit your head? We are not in love, we never were, and never will be. You heard I left Canada so now you're coming after me, that's typical Eli for you. I'm not crawling at your feet for forgiveness, so now you love me? What I ever saw in your sick disgusting self, I will never understand. When I said I hated you, I meant it Eli. I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone in my life, the sight of you repulses me. You're a liar. You're here to win me back, but yet you show up at the "other woman's" house? Pathetic."

Her words cut me so deep I had to take a second to compose myself. I let go of her arm, and took her face between my hands cupping her cheeks. "Clare no, that is not what's going on. Look into my eyes, you know me. I needed a place to stay, I had no where else to go. I got on a plane for you, I was going to search all of New York for you, do you not understand, you idiot. I love you, I always have, and I always will. You can say whatever you want, I know you don't mean it. The same way I didn't mean any of the awful things I said to you Clare." For a second I could see Clare's face soften, but in a matter of seconds it hardened again.

"You're a fool, so what? You want to raise Drew's baby, is that really part of your plan Eli?"

"No it isn't, but raising our baby is."

Clare took a step back from me shaking her head. "No. How, who told you that?"

"Imogen, did you think I wouldn't find out Clare? How could you not tell me, how could you make the decision to leave Canada with our child before even talking to me."

"Talk to you? How many times, how many times did I try! I tried so hard, so many times!" Angry tears started to flow down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away, but it was only because I didn't want to get in the way Clare! I thought letting you and Drew raise your baby in peace was what was best. Everything I said or did was because I wanted you happy, I never meant a word of any of that bad stuff I said. Baby look at me, please. I am in love with you and this baby Clare Edwards, don't shut me out. This is our chance to be a family, to be together. Everything we've gone through, it's led to this moment in time right here. I'm ready right here right now to be the guy you deserve. A life without you for me, isn't worth living. Please, just say ok." I finally let my tears go, my face was twisted in pain, I was begging.

"Eli I'm moving here to be closer to our son. I found a family, a really good family. They are a stable couple, they've been together fo-"

"Clare don't. Just stop, are you serious? After all I just said you're still talking about adoption? When Drew told me what you were think I thought you were just scared to raise the baby alone, and that when I told you I wanted to be involved you'd change your mind. You cant really be serious."

"I am. You don't know how painful making this decision is, but it's what's best. Had you not found out the baby was yours, you'd still resent me. I thought we had this great love, but this situation has made it apparent that we don't. When things don't turn out your way, you bail. You always bail. This baby doesn't deserve a dad who bails, or a mom who cant give him a stable home environment. It what's best Eli."

I was shaking, and my words were coming out raspy "No, it isn't . I wont let you do this Clare. This is wrong, so damn wrong."

"You don't have a choice Eli, I have a meeting with the adoptive parents today. Im giving them a final decision in a few days, and right now there is no good reason why I shouldn't give them this baby."

"You have every reason not to Clare, every reason!"

"What a few words you said today? You say these things all the time, they always amount to nothing, nothing but words."

"How can you do this to me, to us?" I sat on the floor with my head in my hands crying, did Clare really have such little faith in me? Was she right?

Clare dropped that act for a moment and bent down beside me, her voice was gentle, "I'm not doing this to spite you, I'm doing this for our son. Goodbye Eli." She kissed the top of my head giving me goose bumps, and then walked away. I brought my knee's to my chest rocking back in forth, I had never experienced such pain before. I felt so alone, so hopeless. Clare said son, It was a boy. I was having a son, and before he was even born he had been stolen from me. I started to moan embarrassingly, but I couldn't control my sobs. I felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around me, It was Lenore.

 **Don't own a thiiiiiing :-)**


	4. Chapter 4

"Eli, please stop and talk to me. What happened, what's going on? Why are you really in New York? You have to talk Eli, you have to." Lenore's face was stern, and her voice loud. I stopped my crying long enough to respond to her, she was right, If I didn't talk I was going to explode. I stood up pulling Lenore up with me, I let go of her and wiped my eyes.

"Lenore, what did Clare say? Before I walked in."

"She came in yelling at me, asking why I did it. I was of course surprised and I asked who she was, and what she was talking about. She said her name was Clare, and then it all came together. She started to blame me for everything that was wrong with you two, and then you walked in before I could really say anything."

"So she didn't say anything about the baby?" Lenore took a small step back and looked down at the ground, she was upset. Maybe talking her about this wasn't the best idea, but I had to talk to someone.

Lenore lifted her head back up with glossy eyes, "Baby. So, there's a baby now. I see. And, that's the problem?"

I grabbed Lenore's hand, "I'm sorry Lenore, I can talk to someone else. I'm being insensitive, forgive me."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine, please go on. I want to be here for you. So the baby, that's what's wrong?" She gave me half smile, and I continued on.

"No, well yes. Really there have been so many problems since I cheated on Clare with you Lenore, and I'm not blaming you. It was my fault. Things got rocky and Clare broke up with me. She turned to Drew Torres, and she had sex with him. Things got ugly, and I didn't even know this baby was mine until recently. After I found out, Clare had already decided she wanted to give the baby away. I came here to find Clare, and to stop her. I think the rest is obvious, I couldn't stop her. She hates me, and she doesn't believe that I can be a good father. I can be a good dad, I know I can. She's going to give our baby away Lenore, I am losing everything that I love." I hadn't realized I was yelling everything I was saying, my eyes were wide with rage and Lenore was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Eli you are young, maybe this is for the best. I know you don't want that to be the case, but we cant control everything in life. No matter how many times you profess your love, Clare is going to do what Clare thinks Is best. I tried so hard to make you love me back, but in the end I couldn't make you feel something you didn't feel. That's life."

"Lenore, I cared abut you. I really liked you, but being with you when I was still attached to Clare was wrong and unfair to you."

"Well, the past is the past. Sometimes we have to move on, like it or not, and Eli...you have to let go. I say this because I care, you will never be able to be happy holding onto something already gone."

Lenore was wrong, I wasn't going to be happy. If I didn't have Clare, I could never be again. She was right about one thing though, I had to let go. I had to let go so that Clare could be happy. I walked towards the door and grabbed the door handle, "I know that I have to let go Lenore, but before I do that I have to say bye. I'm going to see Clare one last time. Thank you Lenore, for always being there even though I don't deserve it 99% of the time." Lenore gave me half smile, but her eyes were still full of sadness. I felt guilty. "I did miss you ya know, I don't have a lot of friends back home since I moved. It means a lot."

Lenore walked towards me and kissed me on the cheek, I was going to say something, but she put her finer over my mouth, "Don't say anything, go do what you need to do. When you come back I'll be here. Just like I always am. I'm not asking anything because I know you can't promise me the things I want right now, but I'm going to be here. No matter what. Just know that." I nodded my head and walked away, I didn't know what to say. I had to let go of Clare because I had no choice, but that didn't mean I didn't love her. I was hurt and confused, but I would always love Clare. I wasn't sure I'd be able to give my heart to Lenore or anyone else ever again. Truth be told part of me was still hoping that when I went to say goodbye, Clare would change her mind. I the front door and pulled out my phone to call her, and after two rings she answered.

"Eli, I wont change my mind. Please stop. You and I are not good together, we would only confuse our child. Stop calling." Her voice was so hostile, I didn't know how much more hurt I could take.

"That's not why I'm calling, I need to see you. It's important, please." My voice was pleading, and Clare sighed.

"Ok, I'll send you the address I'm staying at. I cant talk long, I have that meeting."

"Alright, I'll see you there." I hung up the phone feeling dry, dry of tears and emotions. I couldn't cry anymore, I had to do what Lenore said. She was right, all I have ever wanted was for Clare to be happy. I had to do what was best for her, no matter the pain it caused me. Clare sent me the address of the hotel she was staying at, and I called a taxi. I arrived there within minutes. I asked the front desk for her room number, and took the elevator. Everything was in slow motion, I felt like I was on my way to my funeral, and I guess I was. I knocked on door 303, and Clare opened the door. She was dressed like she was going to a business meeting, not to meet our babies new parents. She had her favorite blue blazer on, a black skirt to her knees, and heels. She was beautiful.

"Eli, are you going to come in?

I walked in trying to keep calm and remember why I had come, I couldn't retract on the plan now. "Clare, I came to say goodbye." Clare's eyes widened in surprise, and she sat on the bed.

"Bye? Are you going back to Toronto already?"

"No, I mean goodbye to you. For the first time in our relationship I'm going to do what's best for you, and give you what you want. I have always fought to keep us together, and now I realize that's not what's best this time. I have to accept your decision regarding our son, I have no choice but to."

"Eli, are you serious? This isn't some part of a crazy plan?"

"No, I'm not playing any games this time."

Clare looked down at the floor, and began fiddling with her hands, "So, what now?"

"Now I say Goodbye. Clare Edwards, I loved you. If you take nothing away from this, take that. I don't want you to ever hate me like you said, or for you to feel like we were never really in love."

"I'm sorry Eli, that's just how I feel." I stared at her eyes for some sign of emotion, for a flicker of the Clare I knew, but there was nothing. She blinked at me, keeping a straight face.

"Well, that may be how you feel, and even though it hurts I have to accept it. You can hate me for the rest of your life, but I will never hate you. I meant everything I ever said, but I understand now that our love story is over. I made a lot of mistakes, but everything I ever did was because I loved you."

Clare's face had been unchanged, "Eli, I have the meeting."

"I know, I know. I just want to say goodbye to the little guy, if that's ok?"

Clare looked away from me and nodded her head, "Yeah, go ahead Elijah."

I knelt down in front of Clare and put my hand on her stomach, this was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do. My hands were sweaty, and every part of me wanted to change my mind. I held those emotions in though, and I said goodbye, "Hey little man. It's your dad, Eli. I did some research and I know you have ears, so I need you to listen to me really carefully ok. I love you. I want you to always know that ok, I never want you to wonder how I felt about you. I know you wont remember what I'm saying to you right now, so I wrote it all down before I came over here. I'm going to give it to your mom, and I hope one day your new parents will let you read it. I'm going to think about you everyday, and you'll always be in my heart. Mom and I are really young right now and we don't have everything together, but I want you to know we both love you and just want what's best for you son. Never stop dreaming, and always be a good boy. You're already the greatest joy of my life, I will never stop loving you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I hope you someday know just how much." I hadn't noticed the tears on my cheeks, until Clare wiped them away. I looked up at her, and she was crying too. I kissed her belly and stood up, handing her the letter. "So I guess, that's it."

"Yeah, I guess so." Clare looked away from me still wiping away her tears.

"I hope you give them that letter, It would mean everything to me. I deserve that at least."

"Ok, I will. I have to go Eli." I looked at Clare, my heart was broken. She was so matter of fact about everything, if it hadn't been for her tears I would have thought she was completely unaffected. Clare stood up and walked me to her door, I walked out into the hall taking one last look at her.

"Clare, you would have been a great mom. With or without me, you could have done it alone, and probably blindfolded. Anytime you set your mind to something, It works out. I hope one day you have children, and that everything you ever wanted comes true. I'm sorry I couldn't give you the things you wanted." I kissed her on the forehead letting my lips linger for a moment before pulling away. "Goodbye Blue eye's." I closed the door, not letting myself look back. I didn't let myself break down until I got back into the taxi cab, the driver kept looking at me through his mirror, but I didn't care. I was alone in the world again. I was lost.

 **Hey guy's. I feel like I've been an updating machine, _-_ I am losing sleeeeep lol. So I may not be updating for a few days. Anyways, please let me know what you guy's think so far. Your input means the world ya'll. Good or bad :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is going to be my (most likely) only chapter from the point of view of Clare, so enjoy. And I know I said I was going to take a few day's off from updating, but obvi not. Luv u guy's too much ^.^**

Eli walked out of my hotel room leaving me feeling cold and empty inside. I had tried so hard to control my emotions, to not let him see me weak. I knew if I gave him any inkling that I still loved him he wouldn't give up, and I would give in. When he was saying goodbye to our son I almost changed my mind, I had to bite my lip to keep my mouth shut. Everything I was doing was for my son, Eli wasn't ready to be a father. He still had so many dreams, so much to do and see. I knew if he stayed with me and raised this baby, we'd only end up resenting each other in the end. I closed the door and went to the bathroom to clean my face, I was running late to meet the adoptive parents. I was 15 minutes late by the time I arrived to their house. The house was two story and brick, with a white picket fence surrounding it. It was the home I had dreamed of for my son, it was perfect. While walking up to the door I couldn't help envisioning Eli and I playing with our son in a yard like this. I had to shake those dreams from my mind, there wasn't any point in wishing for something that could never be. I knocked on the door, and a beautiful blonde women opened it. She must have been Laura, my son's future mother. Her pink dress was neatly pressed, and not a hair was out of place. Her teeth were as white as her pearl earing's, and as sparkly as her eyes.

"Well hello Clare! Why don't you come on in, we are just so excited to meet you! Don is in the kitchen cookin us up something real nice to eat. And the women from the adoption agency is in the living room waitin for us. It's going to be a lovely visit!" I came in as she asked, I was surprised to hear a Texan accent from her, we were in New York after all. I think she saw my confusion because she started to go on about how Texans are the best mom's. I sat down on their white couch covered in plastic, and Laura sat across from me with her leg's crossed. The women I had been speaking to on the phone from the adoption agency, Lin, was sitting beside her. Lin took a sip of tea, and pulled out a stack of papers from her purse.

"It's great to meet you in person Clare, now we always want these meetings to feel relaxed, but we do need to get the important things out of the way first. This isn't meant to be offensive, we do this with most everyone, but you are young and we will need you to sign your rights over when you make your decision in the next few days. We just like to make that clear before we start talking about the finer details of the adoption."

I nodded my head, "Yes, that's fine. I understand."

"So, I next always like to have the potential new mother ask you questions, just so you're both on the same page." I nodded my head again, and Laura began to speak.

'Clare hunny I just would like you to know Don and I are so gratefully for this. We been trying to have our own baby for so long, and It just wunt' in God's plan. So again, thank you so much. Now in regards to the adoption I do think that you should be able to see him, but Don and I are not ok with having him know he was adopted. We don't want him to feel like he isn't ours." My heart sank and Eli's letter in my pocket became heavy. "We are ok with you being Aunt Clare, and comin around every five years or so."

I was keeping my hands clasped together so they would stop shaking. I realized by doing this, I was giving up full control of my son's life. I just kept looking at Laura and her perfect house, this is what my son deserved, I couldn't be selfish. So I ignored the doubts in my mind, and nodded. "Mrs. Whitley the most important thing to me is that Adam has two parents who love him, and can provide him with the things I can't. I'm grateful for any time that you will allow me to see him."

"Oh well aren't you just the sweetest! To tell you the truth I wasn't sure what was gonna come walkin in here, you bein a teen mom and all. I admire you being sensible enough to know that this isn't somethin someone of your age can handle. You're a smart girl Clare, God bless your soul. And just a side note, Don always wanted a son named after his father, so we were thinking we'd name him Berg. Adam is nice and all, but it isn't meaningful to us."

Her words struck a cord with me, and the doubt in my heart over came me. I couldn't just trust this country Barbie, or anyone else for that matter, with my son. My son was an Adam, not a berg. Eli's words rang in my head again, "You would have been a great mother." He was right, I could do it If I set my mind to it, even alone and blind folded he said. I could give Adam a great life even if there wasn't a two story brick house, or a white picket fence involved.

Lin slid the stack of papers in front of me, "Well it seems that everything is going smoother than expected! If you've made up your mind there's no reason to wait, we can go ahead and sign the papers now."

Lin and Laura looked at me with wide smiles and it just didn't feel right, signing away my son to these people I didn't even know. I slid the papers back towards them, and shook my head. "I'm sorry, I just can't do this." Don came in with a trey of food, and big grin. I looked at him and then back at Laura's shocked face, and then I ran out of the door. I jumped into my car turning it on with shaky hands. I was scared and nervous about what the future would hold, but I knew I had done the right thing. I loved my baby, and there was no way I would ever be able to give him up. Driving back to my hotel I pulled my phone out of my purse, I was going to call Eli and tell him I decided to keep our son. Then just as I was about to push call, I stopped. Just because I was willing to give everything up, didn't mean that Eli should have to. Eli still having so much to do and accomplish was still the case, even if I didn't want it to be. When I first told him I was pregnant, and he had thought it was his, he was upset about missing out on the opportunities at film school and New York, his exact words were "I'm not ready to give all that up." I wouldn't let him either. Eli had said goodbye to Adam and I, there was no reason to concern him any further. That day I made a choice to put his needs before mine, that day I let go of Eli Goldsworthy for good.


	6. Chapter 6

**Just a reminder it's back to Eli's pov. And I don't own Degrassi and stuff, ya know.**

 _5 years later._

I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, and I rolled over putting my arm around Lenore's waist. She smelt like apples, and her body was warm. I smiled to myself, I felt lucky that she was by my side. I started to kiss her neck, and she groaned in response.

"Eli, it's early let me sleep!"

"I'm sorry, I just cant help myself sometimes. Forgive me?"

"Of course, now get going. You have to go to work." Lenore was right I was directing my new play, it was going to premier in a few weeks. My dreams had come true, I owned my own school of performing art's in Toronto. After I said goodbye to Clare in New York I was a wreck, I spent a whole year at the bottom of a bottle. It was Lenore who pulled me off the edge, I could never repay her for that. Some day's I still woke up and there was a pain in my chest and a hole in my heart, but I could function. Sometimes at work I wondered what Clare would think about my writing, or if she would even be beside me helping me. Other day's I thought about our son, and I didn't want to even leave the house, but those day's were rare. They were rare because I wouldn't let myself think about them, as long as they were happy that's what mattered. It just hurt too much to think about. I heard Clare stayed in New York, which made since, our sons parents lived there. I thought about flying up there to fight for him so many times, but Lenore always talked me down from doing things like that. She was always so loyal to me, even those first three years that I kept her at arms length. Lenore even moved to Canada to take care of me that first year, I owed her everything. I owed her what she had always wanted, a happily ever after, and my full commitment. That's why today I wasn't really going to work, I was going ring shopping. Lenore had been hinting about marriage for weeks, and I wanted to make her happy. She saved my life.

"You're right, I'm going to be late if I don't go now." I kissed her on the cheek, and got changed. When I went to leave I didn't say bye because I thought she had fallen back asleep, but she called my name before I shut the door.

"Eli, you aren't going to say bye?"

"I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep." I walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "Goodbye Lenore, I'll see tonight at dinner."

She smiled, "I love you Eli." I smiled back at her and there was an awkward silence, I looked at the clock and told her I had to go. I rushed out feeling guilty. This was the only problem in our relationship, I couldn't say I love you back. It had caused many fights and a few break ups, but I couldn't say it. I wasn't even sure if I really felt it, I didn't want to say it unless I was 100% positive. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew what was holding me back. Clare. I felt guilty for being with someone else, and I felt like saying that to someone else was a betrayal. That was a big reason I was going to propose, I wanted Lenore to see that even though I couldn't say I love you, I did care about her, and that I was committed. I went to the Jewelry store and there were so many options, I had no idea what I was supposed to get her.

The women behind the counter noticed I was struggling and came over to me, "Do you need help sir?"

I chuckled, "Yes, I'm looking for an engagement ring for my girlfriend. I'm having a bit of trouble."

"Ahh, I see. That's perfectly normal. Do you have a certain price range in mind?"

"Not really, I just want it be a normal looking size. Something she wont be embarrassed of, but that wont leave me broke."

"Oh I see, then you're going to want to come over to this case." She walked me over to a case of a lot of shiny diamonds that looked the same as the other ones, but what did I know any how. "So, she's the one sir?"

"Uh, yeah. She's the one."

"That's wonderful. That's why I love my job, I love to see people who have found the one. It just gives me such a good feeling inside. Everyone deserves that kind of love." The woman picked up a ring from the case "Ah, look this one is perfect. What do you think?"

I didn't know what I thought about it, it was just a ring, but I wanted Lenore to love it. If the lady said it was a good, then why not. "It's great, I'll take it"

"Oh, wonderful! Right this way sir." She took me to the register to pay, and it had been more than I anticipated but that was alright, I owed Lenore everything. "So, what is this lucky woman's name?"

"It's Lenore." The woman was awfully nosy and it was getting on my nerves, I just wanted to take the ring and go. The receipt finally printed, and I headed out the door. I stopped by work before meeting Lenore for dinner, everything was a disaster. The actors were lounging around eating, and half of them didn't know their lines. This was the biggest show of my life. There was going to be reporters and critics from all over coming to watch it. If all went well I was looking at a real shot to direct and write on Broadway, It was everything I had ever dreamt of. I spent and unplanned four hours making everyone go over their lines, and rewriting parts that didn't fit. I felt bad being late for dinner, but this play was more than a shot at Broadway, it was my life. It was a play based on the pain and tragedy that led me to where I am today. After I left work I rushed over to meet Lenore for dinner. She was at a table in the corner with a long tight fitting red dress, and red heels. She always over dressed. I sat down in front of her with an apologetic look, "Lenore I am so sorry I'm late things got crazy at work."

She looked at me with disapproving eyes and didn't say a word. "Lenore, seriously I'm sorry please don't be upset. You know how important this play is, it could mean Broadway for me. Do you get how huge that is?"

Lenore's face turned from annoyed to angry, "Yes Eli I get it. I really do, but that Isn't what bothers me. It's what this play is about. It's a whole tribute to the great Clare Edwards."

Hearing that name out loud stung me, and I winced. "Lenore, It's not. It's a play about my life, she was apart of it. I cant erase facts just because."

"Eli I'm tired, so tired. I don't want to compete anymore for you, haven't I done enough!"

I panicked, I didn't like to talk about Clare. It was a subject that was off limits. I got down on one knee, pulled out the ring, and just blurted it out. "Will you marry me?"

Lenore through her hands over her mouth nodding her head, "Yes Eli! Yes!" We kissed, she was happy. That's what was important, that she was happy. Lenore deserved that.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning after I proposed Lenore was already on the phone with church's and reception halls, she was ecstatic, and I was happy to see the smile on her face. I rushed out of the house unnoticed, I wanted to focus on the play. I was going to have to spend the morning doing interviews, so enough time was going to be wasted anyways. I arrived with enough time to give my actors directions before the reporter arrived. I even started to have them run the play through, and in the middle of it my assistant Ruben whispered in my ear that The TIMES reporter was backstage. I told everyone to continue on, and made my way back stage to the dressing room where the interview would be held in. I looked in the mirror trying to fix my hair, I wanted to look professional. Little had I known, I was being watched.

"Have you become vain in the last 5 years Mr. Goldsworthy?"

I immediately stopped messing with my hair, I knew that voice. My heart dropped to my stomach, and my face went pale. I slowly turned to face her, holding on to the counter the whole time. "Clare."

"Hello Eli." We stood staring at each other in silence for minutes, neither of us moving an inch. I never thought in a million years I'd see her again, let alone at my own school. I turned away from her and walked to the couch, if I hadn't sat down I might of passed out. Clare followed me sitting on the love seat in front of me. "Eli, say something"

I didn't know what to say to her, what do you say when the love of your life walks back into your life after five years? "Are you here to interview me?" Clare looked disappointed in my response.

"Yes I am." Her eyes were sad but I didn't understand why, what was I supposed to say?

"Should we go on with the interview?" I was trying to keep it professional.

"Of course. So, Mr. Goldsworthy. What is it that inspired this play?"

Her. How could I tell her, that it was her. This wasn't going to work, as much as being in TIME was important to me, I couldn't. "Clare I cant do this, I cant sit here and talk about my play with you like you're just any reporter. Why did you come here, you knew who you were going to interview. Hell, my name was on the building." I was looking at her with confusion in my eyes.

"I came because I just thought, I thought it would be nice to see you." Clare looked away from me, ashamed.

"Nice to see me? You thought it would be nice? No Clare, no. You don't just get to do that, you cant just drop in on my life after everything that happened. You didn't just give up on us, you took the opportunity to raise my son away from me! You told me you hated me, never loved me, so why would it be nice to see me?" I was beyond furious, and confused.

"You said you understood Eli, and yes I said those things, but my hatred for you was long ago. It's been years."

I was hoping Clare would say it was all a lie, and that she never hated me. Instead she pretty much just said it's been to long to care either way, she was ripping my wounds wide open all over again. "Understood? How in the world was I supposed to be understanding about you breaking my heart? I did what made you happy, but did you ever for a second stop to think about me, and what I wanted? You made your choice, and I respected it. Now You have to live with that choice, and that choice exempts me from your life. Send someone else to do the interview, because I'm not doing this. Not with you." I stood up to walk out, and Clare walked in front of me to stop me. Seeing her so close made my palms sweaty and my heart race, the feeling was unlike any other. It was so familiar, I never thought I'd feel that again. It was the greatest high I'd ever experienced, it was being completely and hopelessly in love with Clare Edwards.

"Eli, I didn't come here to upset you. I just wanted to see you, to see that you were alright." She still wasn't making any sense.

"I'm fine." We were inches from each other and every part of my being was telling me to grab her and kiss her, it was almost like my natural instincts were taking control. I had to say something to make her get away from me, to stop me from making a fool of myself. "I'm getting married."

Clare took a step away, just as I had hoped. "Married? Wow, that, that's really great Eli. Who's the lucky girl?"

For a moment I thought Clare looked sad, but it had to have been my imagination. The last time I saw Clare, she expressed her deep hate for me. "Lenore."

Clare looked at me blankly, "Well, I guess I could have guessed that. Congratulations Elijah. I'll send someone else tomorrow, have a good day" Clare exited the dressing room, and I stood there feeling the pain of losing her all over again. How could she walk in here, barley say a few sentences, and completely destroy me. So many memories were flashing through my mind, so much emotion was hitting me. It's almost like I had forgotten how much I loved her, how much she took my breath away. That didn't matter though, what we had was over long ago. I couldn't just stop everything because I saw Clare, I was getting married. Lenore deserved my commitment, I wouldn't let this change anything.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day a new reporter came an interviewed me, but I could barley focus. The next few day's everything seemed like such a blur. I had so many questions, Why was Clare even in Canada? Lenore had been noticing I was acting strange, and I couldn't keep It from her.

"I saw Clare at work, she was there to interview me."

Lenore whipped around from washing the dishes to face me, "Clare Edward's?" I nodded. "So that's the reason you've been acting so distant."

"Yes, it is. I just was a little taken back by it. I'm sorry If I have been acting strange, I'm fine now."

"You can't see her again Eli, she's only going to further hurt you, you know that."

"You don't have to worry Lenore." Lenore hugged me, and I kissed her quickly on the cheek.

"Are you ready for bed?"

"No, I think I'm going to go for a walk. It's nice out tonight, would you like to come?"

"No, I'm ok. That's a little too adventures for me, I'm going to stay here safe in bed. You be careful though honey." I kissed her goodbye, and threw my coat on. It had been chilly lately. I was truthfully glad Lenore declined my offer, I needed to be alone. I couldn't get Clare out of my mind, it was driving me crazy, all the questions I had. The stars were out tonight, and few people were out. I walked around for an hour, and without even realizing it I ended up at "our" bench. I sat down, thinking of all the moment's Clare and I had shared sitting in this spot. I'd give everything up just to go back, to relive those memories one more time. I wasn't sure any amount of time was ever going to make me fall out of love with her.

"Is that seat taken? I looked up, and there she was. It was like some joke God was playing on me.

I barley choked out a, "No."

"The stars are pretty tonight. What are you doing out here so late?"

"I could ask you them same."

"I just went for a walk, and I ended up here."

I looked at her, so beautiful, my heart was melting. "Clare."

"Yes?"

I was going to rationally talk to her, and ask her why the hell she was popping up everywhere all of a sudden, but I couldn't. I stood up and started to walk away, I could hear her steps behind me.

"Eli! Eli wait!" She grabbed my arm, and turned me around

"Why! God dammit, why Clare! What the hell is going on! Why are you even in Canada, I thought you lived In New York? None of this makes sense! You bailed on me, and it took years to just function normal! Finally I'm somewhat ok, and then you just pop up out of no where!"

"Eli, I'm sorry! I can explain!"

"Then explain right now, because I cant keep seeing you like this! Do you think that it didn't affect me to see you like that, Clare I love you! You know that I do, that no passing of time is ever going to change that. You are the one, always have been. I cant even tell the girl I'm marrying I love her because I am so hopelessly and completely yours Clare Edwards. Don't you understand that? Don't you get it, you may have never loved me, but I loved you. I loved you with everything Clare, how could you do that to me." I was screaming, and I had tears falling from my eyes,

"That's why I came back Eli, that's why I left New York. That's why I'm here now, I love you. I never stopped, not for a second. How could you not know that? I pushed you away because I thought that was what was best for you, I wanted you to be happy. Now I know that that was wrong, and every day that I've been without you has been like a knife twisting inside my heart. I work for TIME, and I jumped at the opportunity to see you, to tell you that I'm sorry. That if I could go back I never would have sent you away!"

"No, this isn't true. I spent years thinking you never even loved me, this isn't real." I couldn't wrap my brain around any of this, Clare still loved me?

Clare grabbed my face between her hands, and crushed her lips to mine. The moment our lips touched all my self control was gone. I wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her body to mine. I forced my tongue in her mouth, exploring the familiar territory. Clare's hand ran threw my hair, and I had to pull away, I was engaged.

"Eli, this is real. I have always loved you, look at me. You know me, you know everything we've been through. How could I not love you? You're the father of my son, you're my first love, my first everything."

"Our son..." Thinking about him and what she did just made me angry all over again. "Clare why? Why did you throw that all away, why did you give him away? I loved him, I still do. Do you know how hard it's been on me, you hurt me so much when you took him from me." My voice was cracking, and my throat closing.

"Eli that's another reason-"

"Bitch. Back the hell off." It was Lenore.

I immediately stood between them. "Lenore, Clare didn't do anything. I just ran into her, it's fine. Calm down."

"The hell it is. Eli, how could you do this? Secret meetings? After everything she did to you, after all I've done for you. We were supposed to get married, and now you're just going to leave me all alone. How could you? She gave away your son!" Lenore was hysterically crying, and It hurt me to see her that way. I wrapped my arms around her, and I smoother her hair. She was right, Clare gave away our son. That's something I couldn't get passed. "Don't worry Lenore, I'm not going anywhere." I owed her my life, I was on the brink of drinking myself to death, and Lenore saved me. No matter how much I wanted to be with Clare, I couldn't be. I turned my head around, and Clare was gone.


	9. Chapter 9

I had never seen Lenore so hurt before, and I hated that I had been the cause of her pain. That night I held her in my arms while she cried, until I felt her fall asleep. When we got back home after the encounter with Clare, she told me that she had saw Clare and I kissing, and I felt so guilty. I knew I had to stay away from Clare, no matter how hard it was. No matter how much it killed me. I would sacrifice my own happiness for hers, because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even be alive. That night I went to sleep as fast as possible, because at least in my dreams, I was with Clare.

 _Lenore's pov._

I kept my eyes shut pretending to be asleep, waiting for Eli to fall asleep. He fell asleep rather quickly, and I lifted his arm off of me and tip toed towards the closet. Seeing Eli and Clare kissing like that made me sick with disgust. He had never kissed me like that, and it hurt me deeper than I had ever been hurt before. I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't let Clare waltz back into Eli's life and steal him from me again. We were engaged, he was finally happy, she had know right to ruin everything I had worked so hard to build. I rummaged through the closet looking for Eli's box, it was his "Clare box." I had never asked him to get rid of it, as long as we were together it didn't matter. Now, I was rethinking that decision. I held the box in my lap, afraid of what I'd see when I opened it. No matter how much seeing what was inside may have hurt me, losing him would kill me. I needed to open it, there had to be something in the box that could help me find out where Clare had lived before she moved to New York. She had only just moved back to Canada, so hopefully she wasn't already living on her own. It was a long shot, but it was the only one I had. I needed to make her see that he was happy with me, that she wasn't wanted here. I opened the box and there were hundreds of pictures, pictures I didn't want to see. Eli was smiling in every one, and so was she. He looked a little different, with darker hair, and even eye liner on. I found movie tickets, and old school assignments they had done together, but no hint as to where Clare had lived. I was about to give up when I saw a picture of them in front of a house, I knew it wasn't Eli's, but maybe it had been hers. I took a picture of it and sent it to my friend Jenna, we had become really close since I had moved to Toronto. She quickly replied.

 **Why are you sending me a pic of Eli and Clare?**

 **Ill explain later, who's house is that in the back?**

 **Clare's, what's going on?**

 **I promise I will explain soon, do you know where it's at? Can you send me an address?**

 **Sure thing, but you better explain later!**

 **Of course thanks Jenna xoxo**

Jenna sent me the address, and I quietly made my way down stairs. It was now or never, I had to do what I had to do to save my relationship. I followed my GPS, and it took me to the house in the picture. I wasted no time, I went straight up to the door knocking on it hard. Someone quickly opened it, it was my lucky day, it was Clare. Her eyes were swollen and red, but I didn't feel any pity for her, because so were mine. I pushed my way passed her into her living room, she grabbed my elbow turning me around.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"No, what the hell are you doing here in Toronto? You need to know that you can't just waltz in here and take Eli from me, we are engaged."

Clare's face softened, and she gave me a sympathetic look. "First off, I'm truly sorry for what happened tonight. Lenore, I respect the way you feel, I really do. I know better than anyone how amazing Eli is, but I'm not going to walk away from him again. I made that mistake once. I just cant."

I was livid, she wasn't going to walk away? Her polite way of telling me so only infuriated me more. I stuck out my left hand putting it in front of her face, her eyes became wide and she turned her head away from me. "This is my ring, my ENGAGEMENT ring Clare. Eli wants to MARRY me. Do you really think he gives a shit about some girl her dated in high school? About some girl who gave away their kid? He cheated on you with ME, he walked away from you tonight, with ME. So take your fantasy of getting him back and shove it up your ass! Stay away from him!" I was panting and yelling, I could feel the heat coming from my face. I had never yelled like that in my life. Clare's eyes were wide and she looked concerned, almost like she wasn't looking at me. I heard a little voice from behind me.

"Mommy, why are you guys yelin for?" Clare looked at me, and then back at the boy with panicky eyes. She walked passed, me and picked him up.

"Adam, we were just talking I'm sorry we woke you. Go back to bed ok honey." She set the boy back down at the door he came from giving him a kiss, and he closed the door shut behind him. Clare walked over to her front door opening it, "Lenore get out. You need to go, now."

I walked over to her and shut the door. I could see the panic in her eyes, she had been caught. "No, you crazy bitch. You called him Adam. His name is ADAM. You kept the baby, you lied to Eli!"

"You don't know anything! Everything I did was because I loved him, I never did anything to hurt him! That's why I cam back, so we could be a family, so Adam could know Eli!"

"No, no way in Hell. If you don't stay away from Eli I'm going to call him, and I'm going to tell him you've been hiding his son from him. What do you think he's going to do when I do that? He's going to love me for finding his son, and hate you for lying and deceiving him. Back the hell off, or I will make sure Eli knows just how vicious you are." Our faces were inches from each other, and I could see Clare's confidence unraveling.

"That isn't true though, it wasn't like that. It isn't like that. I just wanted him to be happy, you'd be painting me as a villain Lenore!" Clare's voice cracked.

"That's because you are. Take your son, and go. Eli doesn't want you anyway, the ring is on my finger, not yours." I opened the door giving Clare one last smile, the scared expression her face told me everything I needed to know. I had convinced Clare to stay away.

 **Side note, this is soooo Eclare. Don't worry :)**


	10. Chapter 10

The next day after my run in with Clare, Lenore went into full wedding mode. She was planning and booking everything faster than I could blink. Before I knew it a few months had passed and I was only day's away from getting married. The doubt and fear started to creep on me like a cold front. I had been spending most of my nights looking at the stars, wishing that Clare was somewhere looking at them, and thinking of me too. I had tried to call her several times, but she had never answered me. I guessed it was for the best. Accepting that it was really over between Clare and I, that there would be no happily ever after for us, was almost impossible. Some nights I'd wake up calling her name, and when I'd roll over to find Lenore beside me the ache in my chest would become unbearable. She even began talking to me about kids, I told her that was out of the question for me. I would never have anther child again as long as I lived, If I couldn't raise Adam I didn't deserve to have any more children. I was surprised Lenore had even brought the subject up, she knew how I felt about it, we had talked about it many times before. When I shot her down she went into a fit about me letting go of the past, her behavior had been off. She was more high strung than normal, and every time I left the house she gave me the 3rd degree. I just thought it was stress from the wedding planning, so I let it go. Even so I couldn't shake the feeling that this whole thing was a mistake, that sacrificing a life with Clare would be to much for me to handle. A day before the wedding I called her off a private number, hoping she'd answer. All I wanted was a minute, a minute to talk to her. I needed that minute to get me through the day. It rang a few times, but she finally answered.

"Hello." Hearing her voice sent shock waves through my body, I craved her. I craved everything about her, I craved her smell, her laugh, and how she could just make everything better without even trying to.

"Clare, it's me. Please don't hang up, please." She didn't say anything so I checked to see if she had hung up, but she hadn't. I could still lightly hear her breathing on the other end. "Ok, so you're not going to say anything. You've been ignoring my calls, and now that I have you on the phone you wont even speak, but I understand why. Listen, I have screwed up. I've screwed up more than anyone in the history of screwing up. My first mistake was leaving you in that hotel room that day in New York, I should have done what I always have done, fought for you. Screw five years, screw 100. I will never not love you. I dream of you Clare, I lay awake at night with anxiety wondering if I'm ever going to be ok again. I'm not Clare Edwards, I'm not ever going to be ok without you. That night we kissed all those months ago, was the happiest and most alive that I had felt in years. That one moment meant more to me than every moment I have ever spent with Lenore, I left because I was angry about Adam and I felt obligated to Lenore. I know that if you had felt you could keep our son that you would have and that we would have been a fam-" I looked at the phone and the call had ended. I dropped my phone on my bed and put my head in my hands, I heard the door open and I looked up to see Lenore.

"Eli? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm just, I'm upset I guess."

"Why?" She looked concerned, and I hated it. I just wanted her to stop being so concerned, I just wanted to be alone.

I couldn't tell her it was Clare, so I lied. Well I told the truth, just not about what I was currently upset about. "Adam. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. He's five, and he's out there living with strangers. I know you said fighting for him wasn't a good decision, but I'm starting to regret it." It was true, I was starting to regret a lot of things. The more I thought about it, the more I was angry at Lenore for not letting me get Adam. I kept my cool though, I knew she only was trying to help.

"I'm sorry Eli, but I'm sure he's happy with his parents. As far as he knows they are his parents, and that's all that matters, that he's happy, right?"

"You're right Lenore, that's what matters." She gave me kiss on the cheek and It made my skin crawl. I had never been frustrated with Lenore this way, and I felt bad. I couldn't help it though, after pretending for so long it was getting harder and harder to keep up the front.

"So, now that you're over that, are you excited for tomorrow?"

"Actually I am, I've been waiting for this call for so long. All the reviews on the play were fantastic, I'm really hopeful that I'm going to be directing play's on Broadway sooner than I had ever dreamt." I was surprised Lenore had asked me about the play, she hated it. "Thank you for asking, that meant a lot."

Lenore looked at me with beady eyes and crossed her arms, "Not the dumb play Eli. The wedding, the wedding is tomorrow!"

I felt bad that I had forgot about the wedding, it wasn't something I usually liked to think about though. "Oh, I'm sorry Lenore. Of course, I just didn't know that was what you were referring to. Of course I'm excited."

Lenore smiled at me, and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Well, I guess I'll be going to stay at Jenna's. You know, tradition and all. I'm so happy about tomorrow, nothing is ever going to come between us Eli." She let go of me and walked out of the room, I waited until she shut the door to wipe my face from where she had kissed me. It was going to take everything In me to get through tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

Today was my wedding day, the day I would pledge to be forever committed to Lenore. I spent my morning throwing up, I would never be able to be with Clare again after this, and the thought made me sick to my stomach. Not that it mattered either way, Clare was done with me. I was sitting in my changing room at the church staring into the mirror, trying to pull my self together. I had 300 people outside waiting for a wedding, I had to do this. Not just for me, but for Lenore. It wasn't her fault that I had been on edge lately, It was mine. I asked _her_ to marry _me_ , I had to own up to my responsibilities. She still deserved her happily ever after, and I had to do my best to give that to her. Whatever it took, I would do it.

Almost on cue my dad came in. "Hey son, are you ready? You got a bunch of folks waitin out there for you."

I nodded at him and stood up, "Yeah I'm ready."

Bullfrog gave me a knowing look, and closed the door behind him. "Listen Eli, you don't have to do this. In fact, I don't really know why you are. Ever since we moved here all you have ever wanted was Clare, no matter what you two went through you never gave up on her, and I don't think you've ever quite got over that dream. Maybe postponing this wedding isn't the worst thing."

"Dad, I'm fine. I'm going to marry Lenore, and we are going to be happy. Clare is in the past. Don't worry about me, just do your job and stand beside me up there ok?"

"Eli, I know you want to do the right thing. That's always been you, ever since you were little, but this time the right thing may not be what you think it is. Do you even love this girl?"

With the most serious face I could muster, I lied. "I do. I love her."

My dad looked at me with disappointed eyes, and patted my back. "Alright then son, let's go get you married." Bullfrog would never understand what Lenore did for me, I had to do this for her.

I stood at my position with sweaty palms, and tired eyes. I could see all my friends and family in the audience. Dave, Jake, and my dad were standing beside me in matching black tux's. I was in a way glad Adam wasn't there to be my best man, he would have hated Lenore, because she wasn't Clare. The music began to play, and everyone stood up. I had always pictured this moment in my head, but the feeling I had imagined having was so different than this one. I was sick with grief, grief for the life that I had lost with Clare. I shook my head trying to get her out of my head. Lenore was already half way down the aisle before I had even noticed her, I really had to pull it together. The music stopped and she was in front of me with tears in her eyes, and a smile on her face. I smiled back, genuinely happy that she was happy. Lenore was religious, and she was very close to the preacher of her church back in New York. He flew all the way to Canada just to marry us. He asked the audience to be seated and went on about some religious stuff I didn't really care for, then he asked Lenore to say her vows to me. She held my hand, and slipped the ring on my finger before she began to speak. She had tears in her eyes, and a smile on her face, I was doing the right thing.

"I Lenore take you to be my partner in life. I promise above all else to live in truth with you. And to communicate fully and fearlessly, I give you my hand and my heart. I pledge my love, devotion, honor, and most importantly honesty to you Elijah." Before Lenore could continue the church doors swung open, and the sound of heels clacking against the floor filled the church, along with a few gasps. It was Alli, I hadn't seen in years. She looked just the same, maybe an inch or so taller. She wore a hot pink dress, and black heels. She walked up to the stage standing between Lenore and I, Lenore looked appalled and confused, along with me.

I looked at Alli confused, "What are you doing here Alli? I'm sorry if you didn't get an invitation I just didn't think you'd want to come because, well you know..."

"Because you're supposed to be with me best friend and not this lying tramp? Yeah, I wouldn't have come, but that's hardly why I'm here. There's something you need to know before you marry this witch Eli." Alli was staring Lenore down.

Lenore pushed Alli aside, and put her hands on my shoulders, "Eli, don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's saying. Baby, let's just continue on ok."

I looked at Lenore's panicked eyes and I knew there was something she was hiding, there was a reason she had been acting so weird lately. I looked to Alli, and nodded my head for her to continue.

In Alli fashion she grabbed a microphone by the quire musicians, so everyone could hear what she had to say. "Hey everyone, fellow ex Degrassi classmates, It's me Alli here. So this tramp who has just been preaching about honesty in her future marriage, has been keeping the biggest lie of all from her finance." Alli looked at me with serious eyes, and she pulled the microphone away from her mouth. "I guess maybe I shoudnt blurt this part out, Eli Adam is here in Toronto with Clare."

I pushed Lenore aside walking closer to Alli, "What do you mean Alli? What's going on, spit it out."

"Eli, Clare never gave him up for adoption. She couldn't do it. She never told you because you told her you "weren't ready to give everything up" and she wanted you to live a happy and free life, doing all the things that you ever wanted to do. She couldn't do it any more though, she was so lonely without you. She came here to get you back, to tell you about Adam. It was too late though, you were already engaged. Then to make sure that Clare didn't try to fix things with you again Lenore black mailed Clare about Adam, promising to make you hate her, and make sure you thought she had no intention on telling you about him. But Eli she did, I swear she did. She's been miserable without you." Alli had tears in her eyes threatening to fall.

I put my hand up for Alli to stop, and grabbed the mike from her. My blood was pumping, and my heart felt like it was about to pop out of my chest. I was shaking in anger, and I could see my dad looking at me, ready to hold me back If necessary. Lenore came up to me with tears in her eyes, "Eli, Eli please! Don't listen to her, it wasn't that way at all. Please just lets go talk about this in private I can explain, we love each other."

I smiled ear to ear at Lenore, and then to the confused audience. "Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. My lovely fiancé was just in the middle of her vows, and I wish she could continue, but it seems everything she wrote down was a big giant piece of shit lie. This bitch not only black mailed the real love of my life, but also kept the fact that my son wasn't given away for adoption from me, and has been in Canada this whole time! She lied to my face for months, knowing the pain and anguish I felt missing out on my sons life." I turned my attention back to Lenore dropping the mike. She had her hands over her mouth, and she was crying while shaking her head back and forth in disbelief.

"Eli no, please. We love each other don't walk away from me, after all I've done for you."

"Correction. You love me. I love Clare and our son, not you. It's never been you. Lenore, I would have done anything for you. I was willing to give up Clare and all my dreams so that I could make you happy! And this is how you repay me, by lying to me about Adam? You know what, at least I have an excuse to drop this ring on the floor, and never see your face again. I hate you Lenore, and I hope you have a miserable life and that the next guy you marry isn't getting tricked into it. You dumb bitch."

Lenore grabbed onto my arm, still trying to keep me from going. "What about Clare? She lied to you about Adam too!"

I shrugged her off of me. "Lenore the difference is Clare lied to me because she loves me, she sacrificed so that I could have a normal teenage life. You lied because you're selfish, possessive, insecure, and phsyco. You didn't want me to know about Adam because you didn't want him or Clare to steal me away, you're pathetic."

I dropped the ring at Lenore's feet, and began to untie my tie. "Hey Alli."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, for everything."

I gave her a hug, and she smiled. "Go get her Eli."

I started to walk away when my dad stopped me, "Eli." I turned around.

"Dad I have to go find Clare. I don't have time for a lecture."

"Son I know, take this." My dad tossed a ring my way, and I caught it. "It's your great grandmas ring, it's been passed down for generations. I was waiting for the day you decided to get married to give it to you, and I mean a real marriage. Go get her tiger."

I quickly hugged my dad, and ran out of the church. I felt so free, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was going to find Clare, and I was going to make it all right again.


	12. Chapter 12

**If you haven't watched tonight's episode, skip this bolded part. So...I am completely and totally on cloud 9 right now. I know for the sake of drama things wont be perfect the entire rest of the season, but tonight's long awaited episode was much needed! Eli and Clare were so happy, and Eli was being such a good future dad. :''''')))))) Anyways, back to this story. Oh one more thing, I changed the rating to M. Wasn't planning on that for this story, but as I was writing, it just happened. The episode tonight inspired me a bit. ;p**

I was breathless and exhilarated, all at the same time. I had been running everywhere, back to the church to ask Alli where Clare was, and then too Clare's house. I finally made it there, just before the sun was going set. I would of drove but Lenore was holding the key's hostage in her purse, and there wasn't time to fight for them. I ran up to Clare's door and something made me pause, what if Adam was in there? Was he ready to meet me, would Clare allow it? I closed my eyes and decided I had to do it, too much time had been spent not doing what made me happy. I knocked on the door, and I waited for a response, there wasn't one. I looked through the window and I could see toys scattered across the floor, but no sign of Clare or Adam. I turned the door knob, and the door was unlocked. I stepped inside and the room was filled with the smell of candles, and paint. I walked into the hallway and there was an open door to my right, it was a child's room. I hesitated before walking in, what would Adam say if he saw a stranger wearing a tux in his room? My compulsiveness came over me though, and I entered. There was no one in sight. There was a car's bed, and action figures scattered on the floor. In there corner there was a painting canvas with stick figures painted on it, at the bottom corner it said:bi adum golswurthy. My throat caught, and I shivered. Had Clare given him my last name? I walked closer to the painting, and I could see names over the stick figures. There were three people drawn, the names above them were mommy, me, and daddy. I sat down on the bed examining the painting, my heart was heavy and my previous excitement dissolved. There was an actual little person out there that was mine, and I haven't been there for him. What was he going to think about me, would he think I abandoned him, or never loved him? In my moment of anger I kicked the canvas, and Adam's paints and drawing's fell. I got down on my knee's to pick them up when I ran across a piece of paper. There were painted finger prints all over it. I opened the paper, and recognized the hand writing immediately, it was mine. It was the letter I had left for Adam when I thought he was going to be given up for adoption, Clare had given it to him. While reading over it I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Clare, and I stood up. She didn't look angry, and she didn't look worried, but I didn't care what she was. All I cared about was that she was there, that she was in front of me, nothing else mattered. Our eyes were locked and my heart was pounding faster than it ever had before. Clare's face was frozen with her hair hanging over her left eye, I tucked it behind her ear and lifted the corner of my mouth into a half smile. I couldn't wait another second, I longed for her touch. I gently put my lips to hers, she was unresponsive at first, her body stiff, and her hands pushing on my chest. I became hungry, hungry for her taste. I pressed my lips harder against hers, and she began to hesitantly kiss me back. I put my arms around her waist, pulling her body to mine. She threw her arms around my neck, and the smell of her was intoxicating. I was drunk off Clare, swimming in pure bliss. She began to kiss me back with the same kind of hunger, her tongue slivered over my lips, and in response I bit hers. I pulled away gasping for air, neither of us saying a word. I picked her up bridal style off her feet, and exited Adam's room. She clung to me still breathing heavy from our kiss, I looked down at her for some reassurance that she was wanting the same thing as me. She barley whispered a "room to the left", and that was enough for me. I kicked the door open and threw her on the bed, without hesitating I hovered over her, kissing her neck and unbuttoning her shirt with shaky hands. She pulled my tux jacket off and unbuttoned my shirt, and began kissing my chest sending shivers through out my body. Clare slid her pants off, and began to unbutton mine. I grabbed her hand momentarily stopping her, and with a shaky voice I spoke. "Clare, are you sure?" She still said nothing, but instead brought her lips to mine. That was all the reassurance I needed, I pulled my pants off kissing her, before finally sliding myself inside her. I thrusted myself against her, and we began to make love for the first time since we created Adam. My hands ran through her hair, and our body's rubbed against each other becoming sweaty. I finally collapsed on top of her in exhaustion, kissing her on the forehead gently. I rolled over laying beside her for a few moments in silence. I couldn't help but stare at her matted hair, and sweaty face thinking to myself how beautiful she looked. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it, "I love you." She looked away from me and sat up walking to her bathroom, and then shutting the door behind her. I stared at it in confusion, and then began to get dressed. The high I was on began to disappear, was she angry? Did she regret it? Was I ever going to be able to fix things, or was this going to be a never ending cycle of hurt? As soon as I finished putting my clothes on Clare opened the door, walking out in a black robe. We had to talk, I couldn't handle not knowing what she was thinking.

"Clare, God dammit. What is going on? We just made love for the first time in so long, and It was amazing. I was so unimaginably happy. Then I told you I loved you, and you just walked away. Tell me, what is going on inside your head? Are you worried because I know about Adam, If that's it don't be. I'm not mad, I'm confused and a little sad, but I understand why you did what you did, just talk to me. Please." My eyes were desperate for an answer.

"It's not that, I mean yes I was worried about that, but it's so much more Eli. I've spent five years making myself learn how to live without you, how to raise our son without you. I sacrificed my whole life to take care of him, I sacrificed my heart. You moved on, you were going to get married today! I have been alone all this time, but you just moved on like Adam and I never meant anything! Now, now you're here, but you could just as easily walk out that door like you walked out of that hotel room, I don't think I could handle that. I can't handle getting you back, and then losing you again. You really want to know what's going on in my head? I'm afraid, I'm afraid of letting you back into my life, and into Adam's." Clare was breathless with tears streaming down her face.

"Clare, look at me. I am not going anywhere, not ever again. I did not want to marry her, I didn't even want to be with her. I have spent the last five years waking up most nights in a cold sweat panicking, and calling out your name. I was with Lenore because I felt obligated, because I wanted to do the right thing. Sacrificing my heart, wasn't the right thing, and neither was you sacrificing yours Clare. We both made mistakes, but hasn't this always been the right answer? Anytime anything has ever gone wrong, the only way it could ever be fixed was if we did it together. Clare I didn't get married today, I'm here. As long as you want me, I will always be here. Don't ever doubt that it's you, always has been. There have been very few times in my life that I've truly been scared Clare, when you had cancer and I thought I was going to lose you, when I said goodbye to you and Adam five years ago, and now. I'm terrified too, I'm scared of the future, but there's nothing I want more. Nothing more that I want than you, and our son." Tears were streaming down my face now too.

"I love you too Eli, always and forever. The feeling that I have without you in unbearable, it's like I cant breath. So if you're willing to take the leap, than so am I. Because I am hopelessly, and undeniably in love with you Eli Goldsworthy."

I wiped the tears from Clare's cheek's and I remembered the ring in my pocket, and I knew what I had to do, what I should of done long ago. "Clare, remember you said that ok?" I pulled out the ring and got down on one knee, Clare's eyes widened, and she threw her hand's over her mouth in shock. "Clare Diana Edwards, I have loved you since the day we met, and I want to spend the rest of my life doing just that. I'm here in a tux, down on my knee's begging for the opportunity to try and make you half as happy as you have made me. And before you answer me, I want you to know this isn't the ring Lenore wore, I could have cared less about what she slipped on her finger. This ring has been passed down for generations in my family. This ring is for Goldsworthy's only. Will you please do me the great privilege of being your husband, and raising our son with together? I'm ready to take the leap Clare, are you?"

Clare began to shake her head up and down, smiling with tears in her eyes. "Yes, yes Eli! As long as It's with you, yes."

"I love you so much." I stood up wrapping my arms around Clare.

Her body became stiff and she once again pulled away from me, "Eli, wait."

I jokingly rolled my eyes, "What, don't tell me you've changed your mind already?" Clare gave me a sympathetic look, and I began to worry. "Clare seriously? I was just joking, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, it's just Adam. It's time to meet him. We cant decide anything without him."

I gulped, I knew this moment was going to come, but now that It was here I was nervous. I still had so many questions about what he knew, or didn't know. No matter what the case was, I had to be ready, I was ready. I grabbed Clare's hand and smiled, "Where is he?"


	13. Chapter 13

Clare and I were sitting on the couch inside her old house, it was like Deja Vu, the best kind. Adam was supposed to be staying with Clare's mother for the night, but in the recent change of event's Clare thought it was best that we picked him up. As we waited for Mrs. Edwards to bring him out I began to become agitated and nervous, I could feel the sweat dripping down my for head. Clare looked over at me, and grabbed my hand to reassure me.

"Eli, it's going to be ok. I promise you, don't worry. He's only five, stop freaking out."

Her words gave me little comfort, and I could feel my blood start to boil. "Clare, what does he know about me? I found the note in his room, and the painting. I need to know this stuff before I see him, and I need to know why. Why did you have to steel five years from me! What did I do to deserve that!" Clare let go of my hand, and her face became twisted with hurt. I got off the couch and walked outside to compose myself, how could I have already yelled at Clare like that? We had only been back together for a few hours, and I was screwing everything up. I sat down on the steps and put my head in my hands, I was ashamed. Part of me thought I should leave, meet Adam another day when I was more calm. In my deep thought I heard the door open, I turned my head around to see Clare, and she had a half smile on her face with her arms crossed. I turned away from her again to face the street, and she came and sat next to me.

"Eli, I'm not going to get scared away. Not by anything." Her tone was light and casual, as if I hadn't even yelled at her.

"How are you not angry? I just went off on you Clare, that's not ok. I'm crazy." My hands began to shake, and I had another Deja Vu moment as Clare clasped her hands over mine to stop the shaking.

"Eli, don't ever say that. Do you hear me? You are not crazy, you are bi polar. It's not your fault." She was looking at me with squinted sad eyes, I hated when she looked at me that way. I never wanted to be someone she had to feel sorry for, or pussy foot around.

"I know that Clare, but it isn't an excuse to go off the handle like that. Not on you, especially not on you. What if Adam had come in at that exact moment? The first thing he would have ever seen of his father was him yelling at his mother, I don't want that for him Clare. I don't. You were right to have kept him away from me." I closed my eyes as a tear ran down my cheek.

"Elijah stop it! Look at me, I know you. You wouldn't normally have an outburst like that for no reason. I know you, and I know that you haven't been taking your pills have you? Tell the truth." Her voice was stern, and her grip on my hands became tighter.

I ashamedly admitted it, "No, I haven't. I was just so stressed out, I thought I was going to have to marry someone I didn't love. You wouldn't answer my calls...I was just stressed out, the pills have been the last thing on my mind Clare."

"See, I knew it. This is just a result of you not taking your medication, as soon as you get back on it everything will be fine. We will be fine." I looked at her and nodded, still unsure. "Eli, what you said really bothered me, I want you to know I didn't keep him from you because I thought you'd be a bad dad, I did it for you. I thought that a child would ruin your chances of your dreams coming true, I just wanted you to be happy."

"Clare you make me happy. You and our son _are_ my dream. That's why I turned down Broadway, they called me when I was running to your house to find you. They wanted to offer me a position as an assistant director on their new play, but it would have taken me away from here. I told them no, and I hung up. That's how much you two mean to me, more than life its self. I hope you know that." I brought Clare into my arms, holding her tighter.

"Eli, you didn't have to."

"Yes, I did. I have one focus now, this family."

Clare took a deep breath, I could feel her relax again. "Are you ready to go back in there?"

"I am, I'm ready to meet my boy." We both stood up walking to the door, but before I could open it Clare grabbed my arm.

"Before we go back in, I think you deserve your answers." I had almost forgot I had even asked questions. "Adam knows he has a father, and he knows his name is Eli. I told him one day we'd see you, that you had a job that took you away from us, which wasn't a complete lie. I gave him your note, I have read it to him every night since he was two. He's even seen pictures of us, he was so excited when we were leaving New York, because I told him we were coming to Toronto to be with you. After things didn't turn out the way I had wanted he became very depressed, and angry. He's almost six, and he's beginning to understand things a lot more. That painting you saw was one of many, I made a mistake by keeping you two apart. He needs you, Eli. We can't wait anymore."

My face dropped in sadness that Adam had been having such issues because of my absence, I wasn't going to let him wonder about me another second longer. "I need him too, I have always needed him. Thank you for telling him who I was Clare, It means everything. I'm ready now, really ready." I opened the door, and Clare called out to her mother.

"Mom send Adam out!"

I immidietley closed the door behind me, and I could hear the sound of little footsteps coming from down the hall. It was the best sound I had ever heard. He rounded the corner jumping into Clare's arms, screaming "Mommy, mommy I missed you!" Clare said she missed him too, and set him down on the couch. He had a huge grin on his face, and a sucker in his mouth. He had black wavy hair like me, and green eyes. His skin was pale like Clare's, but his facial features resembled mine, all the way down to the button nose. I felt like I was staring at tiny version of myself, it was, for a lack of better words, trippy. He was staring at me like he wanted to say something, but wasn't sure he could, and Clare noticing began to speak.

"Adam, you remember the reason we moved baby?" He nodded. "Well this Is Eli, you remember who Eli is right?"

He nodded again, "Daddy." My heart caught in my throat.

"Yes sweetheart, Eli is daddy. "Clare wiped away a tear, and smiled at me. "Eli do you want to say anything?"

I walked to the couch to sit by Adam, I was amazed at this little person. He was made from Clare and I, he was literally a person made up of our love. As I sat down beside him he looked up at me in amazement, still sucking on his sucker.

"Hey, Adam. I know that this may be weird, or make you feel different kind's of feelings, but I want you to know I'm your friend. I'm not here to hurt you, or take your mom away. I'm going to be around though, and I just want to make sure that's ok with you."

Adam looked down at his lap playing with his fingers for a moment before taking his sucker out. "So is your job ober now?" I had to keep from chucking at his speech by biting my lip.

"Yes it's over, son. I want you to know that I'm very sorry my job took so long. I wont ever go on another job like that again, I love you Adam Goldsworthy."

Adam smiled ear to ear, "I know, mommy read me your letter."

I wiped away a tear, "That's right buddy, I have always loved you ok. Since before you were even born."

"Does tis mean you're going to lib wit us now?"

I nodded my head, "Yes sir, we're going to be a family now. Me, you, and your mom. As long as it's ok with you, all we want is for you to be happy." Clare came and sat down on the other side of Adam putting her arm around him.

Adam looked back and forth between us, "Yes I think it is ok daddy." I picked Adam up and sat him on my lap, hugging him tightly for the first time ever. He gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Thanks for coming home from work dad. Me and momma missed you." I hugged him even tighter than before, and I began to cry happy tears. Clare put her arms around both of us, we were a family. I felt like nothing in the world would ever be wrong again, not as long as I had them.

 **A special thanks to Prisca for not only following all my stories with dedication, but giving me the motivation to keep writing. Prisca I too love Degrassi the way you do, it's been apart of my life for a very long time as well. Don't be sad or depressed though, Degrassi will be back in some sort of form on Netflix in 2016. Sadly Eli and Clare will not be apart of that next chapter, but that is what this site is for. Keep smiling, you're amazing. And I also am a fan of YOU. -Rie 3**

 **And to**

 **Spinneroxz16 \- I am glad that you are always waiting for more, but I am sad to inform you I wont be updating after tonight until some time next week. I will be on vacation. Thank you for thinking my story is good. You rock. (: **

**Copperlight \- I hope you are happy, because he did indeed take Clare back. **

**Eclarelover 19- I almost had the wedding actually happen, but the thought of Eli marrying anyone but Clare made my stomach turn. I also of course did not want to disappoint you guy's. ^.^ **


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm sad, and I don't have the inspiration to write today as I did before I watched the horrible episode Friday. Clare didn't deserve that...either way though, It is what it is. As long as Eli and Clare are together in the end I'll be ok. I guess. Anyways, on with the story. .-.**

When the three of us reached Clare's house the weather had taken a turn for the worse, and Adam had become scared. He held onto my leg everywhere I walked, asking me to make the bad weather stop. It was the best feeling in the world, and I didn't mind if he never let go. Eventually though, Clare pulled him off, and forced him to get ready for bed. She asked me if I would like to help him, and I jumped at the opportunity, I didn't want to miss another moment of his life ever again. I took him back to his room, put on his star wars pajamas, and layed him down on his Car's bed. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I didn't know it was possible to love something so much. I sat down on the edge of the bed to tuck him in, and his button nose began to wrinkle while he gave me a frightened stare.

"What is it Adam?"

Adam whispered a simple, "Rain."

I sighed and rubbed his head, Buddy don't worry, there is nothing to be scared of. I promise you nothing is going to happen to you, not while I'm here, not ever." Adam nodded his head, and I bent mine down to kiss him goodnight. When I went to pull away from him he cupped my cheek with his right hand staring at me almost like he was searching for something. I didn't know what to say or what he was thinking, we just sat there in silence, in amazement of each other. Adam's faced turned thoughtful and he grinned, "I lub you too." He took his hand off my cheek, and closed his eyes. I sat there in awe, I would never be able to duplicate the way he had just made me feel. My son knew I loved him, and that mattered to me more than anything else in the world ever would. I turned off his light and walked to the door, before closing it I whispered, "I love you too." I cracked the door shut and while turning around I noticed Clare turning the corner. I smiled walking into the living room, and giving her a knowing look.

She sat on the couch hiding part of her face with her hand, "Ok Eli, you caught me. I was spying, but I couldn't help it. You two are so amazing together."

I sat down beside her and smiled, "I love him, so much Clare."

She took her hand away from her face and smiled back at me, "I know you do."

"I just cant believe I missed out on so much. Birthday's, Christmases, his birth, I'll never get any of that back." Clare looked away from me putting her head down. "Clare I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not angry with you, I'm just sorry I wasn't there. I'm ready to make new memories though Clare, with all three of us."

"You may not be mad at me, but I'm mad at myself. How could I do that to you?" Clare's voice cracked.

'Clare just stop please, you don't need to beat yourself up."

Clare started to raise her voice becoming erratic,"No I cant, I might as well have kidnapped him from you. I mean that is what I did, let's be honest here Eli!"

"Clare. Adam is sleeping, why are you yelling? I love you, just stop." I put my arm around her rubbing circles on her back, I just wanted her to have a happy first night as a family with me and Adam under the same roof.

"Stop being so nice to me! You missed the first years of his life because of me, and now I'm costing you Broadway Eli, Broadway!"

I pulled my eye brows together In frustration, "Clare I don't care about Broadway!" I didn't want to raise my voice at her, but she just wasn't listening.

"Yes you do! With Lenore you were going to ride off into the sunset, and make all your dreams come true. Now? Now you are stuck here in this house with a woman and her child, instead of doing the thing's you've always dreamt of!"

"Clare don't make this about Lenore." I pulled my arm off of her becoming angry, I didn't want to talk about Lenore ever again.

"How can I not? You were going to marry her, you slept beside her every night, In ever sense of the meaning." I turned my head away not wanting to hurt Clare any further than I already had. I just didn't understand why she was doing this, things were so amazing only moments earlier.

"Eli, don't look away from me, I already know the answer. Not saying it aloud doesn't make it any less true." Clare began to cry and got up from the couch. She began to pace back and forth so I stood up and grabbed her wrists, pulling her closer to me.

"Clare Edwards I love you! Stop, stop all of this please. Be happy with me, right here and now. Forget the past, because we have a beautiful future to look forward to. Lenore doesn't matter, not one bit Clare. You want me to say we slept together? Fine. Yes, we did. Does that make you feel better Clare, honestly?" Clare averted her eyes away from me in pain. "All that ever was, was sex. I never, not even once, told her that I loved her. That's what matters. I have only ever loved one girl in my life, and I'm looking right at her. She's amazing in every single way, no one can hold a candle to her, especially not Lenore." Clare looked back at me, with a little bit more understanding in her eyes. Before she could respond the lights went out, and Clare yelped. I turned on the flash light on my phone, and Clare ran to the kitchen to light a few candles. After she lit them she walked back into the living room, and we stood there in the dark with only candles to light the room. "Damn this weather. Clare, I cant see your face very well, tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that I'm sorry, I shouldn't have got upset like that. But Eli, this is the same girl you cheated on me with before. Now she lives here, how am I supposed to feel about seeing her, and Knowing that she has been with you?" I could hear the pain in Clare's voice, and it broke my heart.

"I cant tell you it's going to be easy, but I can tell you that you don't have anything to worry about. I'm yours, always and forever Edwards."

I put my hands out to find Clare, and pulled her into my chest. "I know exactly how I would feel if I knew you had been with someone else in our time apart, don't feel bad for being upset. I love you no matter what." Clare's body stiffened, and she pulled away from me. "What is it Clare?"

"It's nothing, we should go to bed it's getting late. We have to get up early in the morning to take Adam school clothes shopping."

"Clare, you're lying. I know you. What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on Eli, it's just, it's hard to explain."

I could hear Clare's breathing becoming heavier, the way it always did when she got nervous. "Well then explain Clare, because we can't go any further in this relationship if there are still secrets. I love you and I want to get married, but you have to be honest."

Clare's voice was a tiny whisper, "I did not bed anyone or get engaged like you, but I was seeing another person."

"Who?" My voice was strained and I could feel my blood heating up, now I knew how Clare felt. It was a terrible pain knowing she was with someone else.

"I just really needed help Eli, It was hard to handle Adam alone. And I needed companionship."

"Clare I said who, tell me now. I swear to God, is it Drew? Clare I'll kill him."

"Eli see, I haven't even told you who, and you're acting crazy!"

"I am, because you wont tell me!"

"It wasn't Drew, it was Zig Eli."

"Zig? You dated Zig? Is that a joke? For how long, and why? Adam knows him?" I couldn't believe of all the people in the world she said Zig. He was two years younger than Clare, and he never wore sleeves.

"Eli, like you said, it's the past."

"No, I want to know. He touched you, had his hands on you, I can't stand the thought Clare." My voice cracked, and I could feel myself starting to unfold at the seams.

"We dated for three years, starting when Adam turned two. He helped me raise him, he's a good man Eli. I wouldn't let anyone bad around our son."

Her words only cut the wound deeper. Helped raise him? He was mine, not Zig's. "Exactly _our_ son, you had someone else helping you raise him? Yet, I was kept in the dark? Three years, that means you only just broke up. So what, your relationship didn't work out so you came back to Canada for a second option?"

"Eli no! How could you say that? You know I love you! That's the reason we broke up, because I was so miserable without you. Zig and I were never even a real couple, we just stayed together because we loved Adam. I want to be with you, with our son, as a family. No one else."

"This is just a lot to take in Clare, he raised him? Does Adam think that's his dad too? He only has one Clare, me."

"No of course not, you know I told him about you. Adam loves you so much Eli. Can we please drop this I don't want to fight about other people anymore, please."

I could hear the panic in Clare's voice, and I decided she was right. We should have been fighting, not on our first day back together. We needed to make every second count. I pulled Clare back into my arms, "Ok, you're right. It's just it makes me crazy to think of you being with anyone other than me, I just want to know that It's me, and just me."

"You do, you know that. Don't ever doubt that. I'm sorry I got angry about Lenore, it's just your relationship with her seemed so much more serious than mine with Zig ever was. I guess I just needed to know that it was just me too. I wont bring her up again, I promise."

"Clare I wont ever love anyone else, but you. Everything I've ever done in life was so that I could be with you. Broadway could come begging at my feet to direct a play, and I'd turn it down evertime for you, because you are my greatest dream babe." Clare tightened her arms around me.

"Are you ready for bed, fiancé?"

"Yes." I pulled away from Clare, holding onto her hand still. Let's go Mrs. future Goldsworthy. As we began to walk away Clare's phone started to ring, I picked it up to hand it to her when I saw the name. Zig was calling.

This chapter was more of a filler chapter. Just a lead up to the future events that are going to take place. :)

 **And to**

 **Spinnerroxz16- A month is quite a long time, I sure wouldn't make you wait that long!**

 **AnneCpc- You are fanfuxintastic yourself! Lenore is not very nice, but she did love Eli. I'm so glad you are enjoying ^.^**


	15. Chapter 15

"Why is he calling?" In truth I wasn't mad, It wasn't her fault he was calling, so I kept my voice calm.

"Eli I don't know, honestly."

With the flash light on my phone I could see that Clare was scared, scared that I was going to fly off the handle again. I couldn't let her feel that way anymore, or else I would ruin everything again. "It's ok Clare, answer. I trust you."

She kissed me on the cheek, "Thank you Eli. I love you." She took the phone from my hand hesitantly and answered, putting it on speaker, I assume as a sign that she had nothing to hide. I appreciated it. "Hello Zig. Is there something you need?" Her voice was awkward and shaky, I could tell she was nervous, I just couldn't put my finger on why.

"This wont take long Clare. Since you've moved back to Toronto I've permanently left New York, there's obviously no need for me to have any ties there." He sounded depressed, I was sensing that he took the relationship more serious than Clare had.

"I don't see why you're calling me about this Zig, it isn't my business anymore." Her voice was matter of fact, and a bit cold.

"It isn't just about me being back in Canada Clare, It's about Adam." I had been keeping my cool the whole time, but hearing him say my son's name made it hard not to grab the phone and lose control. "What about him Zig? He's fine."

"Clare I want to see him. I have every right to see him. Please."

"No, no you don't. You are not his dad Zig!" Clare's eyes averted away from me, and her tone became harsh.

"Not his dad? I have been his father in every single way that counts Clare! I raised Adam, it isn't right to keep us apart. I know he misses me too, don't take my son from me." It sounded like Zig was crying, and I almost felt sorry for him, I knew the exact way he was feeling.

"Eli is his father, you aren't Zig. You have to let go, and move on. You have no rights, Adam's last name is Goldsworthy."

"Eli doesn't even know him, you have to get over your obsession with that guy Clare! You were high school sweethearts, the whole world knows, but life has gone on since then. We raised a great kid, and we had so many great family memories together. Eli hasn't been apart of any of that." My sympathy started to slip away, and I wanted to punch him in the face, but I couldn't lose my cool, I just couldn't let myself get like that anymore.

"Adam does know his father!"

"A stupid letter isn't knowing him!"

"They met Zig, Eli is going to be the dad I should of always let him be. Please if you love Adam let him know his dad, his real dad. Don't make this harder than it already is on him."

There was a silence for a few moments before he spoke again, "Wow Clare, you move fast. So what, just like that you're back together with him? Like I never meant anything! Was I always a replacement for the Great Eli Goldsworthy? You're ripping my h-h-heart out Edwards!" Zig was full on balling, and Clare was crying herself. I just wanted her to be happy, and Adam. They came before my own personal wants and needs now. I grabbed the phone from Clare and her eyes became panicked as she mouthed "no" repeatedly. My intentions were truly good, and I hoped that she would know that when I was through.

"Hello Zig, It's Eli."

"What the fuck, are you serious? Get the hell off the phone I have nothing to say to you. I don't want to hear how I have to stay away from the kid I raised!"

"That isn't what I was going to say at all, actually. I would like a few day's to get to know my son better without anyone else intruding on our time, but if it's ok with Clare, maybe we can set some kind of meeting up. I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking care of him, I wish I could of been there. Anyways, that's besides the point, I'm here now. I hope you can accept that Zig." I could see Clare's eyes become hopeful, she was happy, I was making her happy. That was all I wanted, but at the same time it was killing me to be saying the things I was saying. I didn't want Zig around him, Adam was mine. Zig also used to be involved with gangs, but Clare had trusted him, so I would try to too.

"That's mighty big of you Goldsworthy, to give me permission to see the child I raised." Zig's words were rough, he was angry, and part of me got it.

"I get how you feel, but this is the way things are now. Clare and I will call you back when we are ready to set up a time." I hung up the phone before he could go on, if I heard another word about how Adam was his, I knew I'd change my mind. I set the phone down and looked at Clare, I couldn't tell if she was angry or not, I hoped not. "Clare, say something. I'm sorry if I crossed the line, I didn't mean to." She threw her arms around my neck, and I knew I had done the right thing.

"Eli I love you. Thank you so much, I know that must have been hard for you."

My voice was soft, and it just hit me how hard it really had been to do that. "I wont lie it was, but if Adam wants to see him, Adam should be able to."

"Still, you're probably upset with me Eli, I know you." I pulled Clare off of me, and grabbed her hand. I started walking her back to the bedroom, when we reached the room I set her down on the bed. I sat next to her, and looking into her eyes I couldn't help but chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny I'm just happy Clare. I agree, you know me, but I am so happy that not even Zig can change that. Why should I be mad? You are sitting next to me, and Adam is in the next room over. I have nothing in the world to complain about. All I could ever want is in front of me, and I intend to do everything in my power to keep it that way." Clare stood up from the bed, and began walking to the other side. When she reached the other side she slipped under the covers patting the spot next to her for me to join.

"This is our bed now, our home, our life." I slipped under the covers beside her pulling her into my arms, this was everything that mattered. "For one night Eli, I don't want to worry about anyone else. Not Lenore, and not Zig. I want to pretend that you drive a hearse, that I wear a purity ring, that we're still those kids. Those kids who fell In love so deep, those kids without anything stopping them from being together."

"Ah, before everything got complicated, when I couldn't keep a clean room, and the worst thing you had ever done was get matching piercing's with me. So much has changed since then, I agree, but one thing is the same, us. Those were some of the happiest days of my life Clare, but I don't want to look back anymore. I want to live in this moment right here, right now. Besides, the old Clare would have never let me stay the night." I chuckled, and she pinched my arm.

Clare's tone was filled with embarrassment, "Shut up! I was a good girl Elijah."

"You have changed a lot, but you're _still_ a good girl. The same good girl I fell in love with, the same one I'll always love." I tightened my arms around her resting my chin on the top of her head.

She sighed, "You know, you've changed a lot since we first met too Eli."

"I know, no more eye liner, less black, and a lack of a hearse."

"No. You are so much braver, so much more level headed. You made your dreams come true, I'm so proud of you. For everything."

"In the back of my mind it was always me tying to prove to you that I could do it, that I wasn't a hot head who would inevitably screw up. Despite your absence, you are still the reason for everything good in my life Clare Edwards."

Clare tilted her head up to look at me, "Eli I love you."

I kissed her forehead, "I love you too, always and forever, don't you ever forget it."

"It's unreal, everything I ever wanted is coming true. I never thought I'd be in your arms like this again."

"Believe it, because we have the rest of our lives to spend together."

"Next step, wedding planning?"

I smiled, "Absolutely."

 **Sooo, I totally want your opinions. Do you guy's think Zig has a right to see Adam, or nah? I'm a little torn on what I want to do with that situation. Let me know please. I have everything else in my head situated, as far as what I have planned for this story, but just not this one part. Smh.**


	16. Chapter 16

I woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon, and the sound of children's show's blaring through the house. I sat up with a smile on my face throwing my legs over the bed to stand up. I walked to the bathroom, and hopped in the shower. When I got out I could still hear the sound of the ABC's coming from the TV, and it was comforting to know that my son was in the same house as me. As soo as I walked into the living room, Clare greeted me with a plate of food and a smile. She had on a blue short sleeve t-shirt, and blue jeans, she took my breath away.

"Sit down, eat. We have a big day today Mr. Goldsworthy." Clare sat me down at the kitchen table, and walked over to the counter to grab her purse.

I shoveled a piece of bacon into my mouth, "Oh, we do now?"

"Yes, I have to go to the doctor today, and you and Adam have to go school clothes shopping. Then when I'm done with my appointment, I'll meet you two so that we can drop Adam off at my mother's."

"Drop him off, why?"

"Well tonight is Alli's birthday party, and I think we both owe it to her to attend. Don't you?"

Clare's face was hopeful, I knew she wouldn't want to miss Alli's birthday for the world, but I wasn't sure it was a good idea. "Yes, of course, it's just...Who's going to be there?" It was hard to keep the negativity out of my voice.

"I didn't exactly get a peek at the invite list, why does it matter?" Clare was staring me down, obviously annoyed, she was so beautiful when she was mad.

"We are just so happy right now, I don't want to run into anyone who's going to try and ruin that Clare."

Clare changed her expression to a more sympathetic one, and walked over to give me a kiss on the head. "Eli, the only people who can ruin this, is us. Don't worry about other people, they don't matter."

"I guess you're right, it's just, not even Alli really likes me, and we both know that."

"Admittedly you aren't her favorite person, but she loves me, and she wants me to be happy. That's the reason she stopped you from marrying Lenore, and that's the reason she's giving us permission to announce our engagement tonight at the party. How does that sound?" Clare bit her bottom lip, giving me a questioning look.

"You know I'm not normally a fan of crowds, but any chance to declare my love for you, I'll take."

Clare clapped her hands together, and walked to the front door smiling ear to ear. "Ok good, now eat. I have to get going i'll see you two soon, I love you boy's!"

Adam ran up beside me to sit on my lap, we both began to wave bye when a thought occurred to me, "Wait, Clare. Why are you going to the doctor?"

Clare's face wavered and she frowned, "You know, perks of cancer, I have to get these annual check up's now for the rest of my life."

I looked down at Adam, I knew it must be extra scary for Clare getting these check up's knowing that Adam needed her to be healthy. "Everything is ok though, right?"

"Yes of course, I just don't like the poking and prodding. That's all."

In the most serious tone I could muster I tried to comfort her, "I know. I love you. You don't have anything to worry about."

Clare's smile reappeared and she opened the door, "You better take good Clare of our boy while I'm gone Goldsworthy. Bye Adam, mommy loves you!"

"I lub you too mommy, daddy and I will have so much fun buyin me toys for school!"

Clare looked at me and shook her head, warning me not to really buy him toys. I nodded back and smiled, and she shut the door.

It was just Adam and I, and I was nervous about having him by myself, but it was something I was going to have to get used to. "So Adam Goldsworthy, are you ready for a fantastic day of buying school clothes?"

Adam hopped off my lap and made a disgusted face. "No way."

I chuckled, "Maybe we can get a toy or two? As long as you're good" Adam smiled and threw two thumbs up. I tied his little chucks, and we headed out the door. Clare texted me letting me know she left her car, because it had Adam's booster seat in it. I buckled him in and the whole drive to the mall he forced me to play The Little Einstein's Theme Song, but I didn't really mind, seeing him smile gave me a happiness I never thought I could feel. We arrived at the mall and as we started to walk away from the car Adam grabbed my hand and smiled up at me, his smile was infectious, and my heart felt like it was going to burst. I let him lead me to the stores he liked, and he began picking and choosing the things he wanted. He picked a lot of striped shirts, blue jeans, and converse. It made me proud that he sort of took after my taste in clothes. I went up to pay and after having a mini heart attack at the price, I picked Adam up sitting him on my hip. We began to walk through the crowd and I could see something was wrong. "So, you're all ready for school big guy, are you excited?"

"A little." Adam made a sad face

"Why only a little, talk to me."

"I just want the kids to like me dad. One time at the park my friend Lucy Simmons called me a nerd because all da kids wanted to play on da swingd' set but I wanted to color pictures of my spider man. I don't wanna be a nerd." Adam had a tear fall from his cheek, and he wiped it away embarrassed.

"Adam, it's ok to be different. I was really different in school, but I had a few good friends and a really pretty girlfriend. School was a great time in my life, it will be for you too, as long as you know who you are, that's all the matters. It wont always be perfect, but I'll always be here when you need to talk to me." Adam gave me a weak smile. I didn't want to be that parent that bribes their kid, but I just wanted him to be happy. "So, I hear this mall has a playground for kids, and maybe even ice cream. It's only for happy boy's though, so I don't know if they'll let us go."

"Oh I am da happiest boy in the whole Canada! Can we go play dad please!"

I smiled, I was wrapped around his finger. "Of course Adam." Walking with a five year old on one hip, and a bag of clothes sitting on the other wasn't an easy task so I was relieved when we reached the play area.

"Eli." I heard my name and turned around, Lenore was standing in front of me. She was frozen in place staring at Adam, I could see tears start to fall from her eyes.

"Dad who's that? I want to play!" Go on and start playing, dad will be there in just a minute ok buddy. I didn't have to tell him twice he ran over to the other kids and began to play without me. Lenore began to walk towards me slowly, when she reached me she put a hand on my cheek. I slowly and gently pulled it off of me, I didn't want to cause her any more pain, despite what she did to me.

"Lenore, don't. Please." My voice was soft and gentle as well.

"Don't? Eli, this is madness. We were just going to get married, h-how could y-y-you do this to me."

Lenore was hysterical, and part of me felt so horrible, but I couldn't apologize for being happy, I would never apologize for loving Clare. "Lenore, I am sorry you're hurt, it's my fault for going on in our relationship when my heart was with Clare. No words I say are going to make you feel better, but I truly did care about you. I'm not heartless, you know that."

Lenore looked over to the swing set at Adam, "If I had told you about him, would things be different?"

It took me a minute to think about it, because in all honestly if Alli hadn't told me the truth, I probably would be married to Lenore right now. "Yes, we'd be married right now, on our honey moon somewhere. That doesn't mean that it would have been right for either of us. You would of been married to someone who didn't love you, you deserve someone that loves you. I wouldn't know my son, and I'd be unhappy without Clare. Our marriage would have been based on a lie, what I have with Clare and my son, that's real. They are my family now Lenore, I hope one day you can be happy for me, and I hope that one day you yourself can be happy."

"Eli I never wanted to lie about Adam, I was just desperate to hold on to you. I guess the truth is I never really had you though did I, it was always her." Lenore wiped away her tears. "I hope one day you can forgive me for not telling you about your son Elijah."

"I forgive you Lenore, you got me through some terrible times." Lenore's head shot up in shock.

"You forgive me? Why?"

"Our time together wasn't all bad, I'll forever be grateful for you, because without you I wouldn't be here to see my little boy grow up."

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then Elijah Goldsworthy. Who knew we'd be saying goodbye in a mall?" Lenore hugged me, and I hugged her back. For a moment I was sad I'd never hug her like that again, she wasn't a bad person, she had been the only friend I had at one point in my life. Lenore whispered in my ear, "I will always love you Elijah Goldsworthy, be happy." and ran away leaving her engagement ring in my hand. I stared at it for several minutes deep in thought, when I felt a tap on my leg.

"Daddy I'm done playin, where we goin now?" I picked Adam up, and he looked at me confused while wiping a tear from my cheek, "Are you ok daddy?"

"Yes, I am so so happy Adam. We are going to meet with mommy son."

"That makes me very happy too dad."


	17. Chapter 17

Adam and I met Clare at the Dot, and the three of us ate lunch together. It was still surreal, that we were all together and happy. After we finished eating I drove to drop Adam off at Clare's mother's, and Clare headed home to wait for me. Dropping Adam off was harder than I had thought it would be, he held onto my leg crying and begging for me not to leave him. I promised him I'd come back, but he continued to cry. Clare's mom had to pull him off of me, and take him to the back room. I felt horrible, but I knew the best thing for me to do was to leave sooner rather than later. When I turned the car on The Little Einstein's theme song was still playing, and I started to cry, I couldn't believe I was one of those parents. When I pulled up to the house I quickly ran inside, wiping my tears away. I walked into our room and Clare was standing there in a blue dress, with half of her curly hair pinned back, she was stunning.

I put my hand over my heart, "You look beautiful, Clare."

Clare blushed, "Thank you Eli, Alli said it was very formal, so I thought why not go all out."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me, "I love you."

Clare smiled, "I love you back." Clare's squinted her eyes examining my face, and then her smile faded. "Eli, have you been crying?"

I laughed, "You caught me. Yes, but only because of the stupid Little Einstein's."

"Adam love's that show, why are you crying because of it?" Clare was staring at me in confusion.

"Adam was pretty upset wen I dropped him off, and the when I got in the car the song was still playing from earlier in the day. It just made me sad that I had to leave him behind."

Clare's smile reappeared, "You're a good Dad Eli, Adam is a very lucky little boy."

I sighed, "Clare I'm lucky, this is everything I ever dreamt of for us."

"All I ever wanted was you Eli, as long as I have that, I'm happy."

I kissed her briefly and pulled away smiling. "You will always have that."

Clare pulled away from me, "Good, now go get changed we have a party to attend."

I got ready in like two minutes, I threw on a pair of black dress pants, with a black belt, and then a white button up shirt. Clare and I left for the party, and after 20 minutes the address Clare gave me led us to a huge mansion, I knew it was going to be big, but I didn't realize it would be this big. Alli and I had been in contact all day, she was helping me make Clare's night extra special.

She giggled, "I know what you're thinking Eli, yes, This is where Alli lives. She's a doctor, and Dallas is a professional Hockey Player, so hence the mansion."

"They stayed together? That's shocking."

Clare playfully hit me on the chest, "Eli, that's not nice. Besides, I'm sure people are going to be thinking the same thing when they see us walk in together."

"No way, we were totally an obvious stay together after high school couple."

"How do you figure, you were just engaged to someone else." Clare looked away from me quickly, and I grabbed her hand.

"I know that, but somewhere in the back of my mind I always knew it would end up this way, us together. All I meant is that if anyone has ever seen the way I look at you, then they're foolish to be surprised." Clare was still looking out the window. 'Clare look at me please don't be upset, I wanted us to have a good time tonight."

Clare looked over at me sympathetically, "I'm sorry you're right. Shall we Mr. Goldsworthy?"

"We shall my lady." I walked around to open the door for Clare. Arm in arm we walked up the steps of Alli's home, I could feel Clare shaking. "Are you nervous Clare?"

"No. Well, a little. There are so many people here."

"The more the merrier, right? I want everyone to know you're going to be my wife, everyone."

"Well then, shall we?" For real this time."

"We shall." I opened the front door and I was immediately hit with the smell of flowers. There were flower everywhere, even hanging from the ceiling. Everyone was dressed so fancy, Clare was right when she said to dress formal. Lights hung from wall to wall, and classical music filled the room. Right away I recognized most of the faces, it was like a huge Degrassi reunion. There were even people from many grades before mine there. Most people were dancing or sitting down eating, no one was standing around socializing. I turned to Clare laughing, "This is something out of Gone With The Wind."

"I know, it's amazing isn't it?" She was smiling ear to ear in amazement.

I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "You're amazing. Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?" Clare put her hand in mine and I led her to the center of the dance floor. We began to dance to the music, and it felt like prom all over again. Her head was resting on my shoulder, and I could feel her heart beating against my chest.

"Eli, this isn't real life. You don't just get happily ever after's like this. I feel like at any moment I'm going to wake up, and this is all going to be a dream."

"Clare this isn't a dream. I'm not ever going to leave you, you are my always. I lost you once, and I'll be dammed if I let that happen again."

"How can you always be so sure Eli?"

"Because I'm sure about you Clare, that's all there is to it. I would die before living another day of this life without you, because without you it's meaningless." I felt a tap on my shoulder and Clare's smile widened.

"Alii!" Happy birthday!" Clare and Alli hugged for what seemed like forever before pulling apart.

Alli looked at me as if waiting for me to say something, "Happy birthday Alli, it's a beautiful place."

She punched my arm rather hard before responding, "No idiot. I'm not holding this microphone for no reason. It's time to let everyone know you and the fabulous Clare are getting hitched already."

Without hesitation I took the mic, "You remember the song I told you? Alli nodded and smiled running over to play Tonight I Love you, by The Latency. That was mine and Clare's song.

Clare looked at me nervously, "So what are you going to say, just hey everyone we are getting married?"

I smirked at her, "Don't worry about it." The music changed and everyone started to look around rather confused, including Clare. "Hello everyone can I have your attention. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but I have an announcement to make, or rather a thing I need to do over. You see I'm sure most of you know Clare and I, and I'm sure you've all heard many rumors about us in the last few years. You see, the truth is, we've really gone through hell and back, but in the end I'm standing here lucky enough to say that for some odd reason, Clare Edwards still loves me after all these years. We have a beautiful son Adam, a great house, two cars, and I own my own business, but that came with a lot of pain along the way. From Bi Polar disorder, Cancer, death, the mistaken identity of a father, infidelity, and probably just about every other problem you could think of, we've been through it. You see the point that I'm trying to make here, is that this woman in front of me, the mother of my son, is so incredibly strong, stronger than most people know. Such an amazing woman deserves an amazing proposal, in a mansion filled with old friends, twinkly lights, and our song playing in the back ground." I turned to Clare and dropped down on one knee, she had tears streaming down her face. "So this is me giving that to you Clare, I will spend every day of Forever trying to give you and our baby boy everything you could ever want. I may not always be able to do that, but I will always try. You asked me before how I was always so sure, and the answer is I'm not. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that there's no one this earth I'll ever want to go through life with other than you. So I'm asking you again, the right way, will you marry me Clare Diana Edwards?" Clare through her arms around my neck screaming yes, over and over again. The crowd began cheering and Clapping, and Alli turned the music up higher. I stood up holding Clare in my arms, we were both crying.

She finally pulled away and choked her words out, "Eli, you did not have to do this."

"Yes I did, I really did."

Clare wiped the tears from my cheeks, "Eli Goldsworthy I love you."

I smiled, "I'm not even close to finished, wait until our wedding day."

Everyone around us was dancing, and I put out my hand for Clare to take, "May I have this dance?"

Clare was looking past me with wide eyes, so I turned around. I was face to face with Zig.

 **Prisca-You Know I did babes :-) I love ya back! Also, I am curious about what you thought of the finale. Are you as happy as I am that Eli and Clare ended up together?!**

 **AusllyRauralover100-I completely hoped so too! Thanks for the review :)**


	18. Chapter 18

Zig clapped his hands together while flashing a huge grin. "That was really some performance, I was half expecting a horse and carriage to come out."

I smirked, "What a coincidence, Zig. Is there something that you need, my fiancé and I were about to dance."

zig laughed, causing me to clench my teeth together in anger. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh but uhm, hearing it said out loud is rather comical. You and Clare have been back together for all of what, two seconds?"

I clinched my fist and Clare grabbed my arm, silently warning me to calm down. I kept my eyes on Zig, "What do you want Zig? Aren't you a little young to be out so late?"

Zig's expression became one of annoyance, and averted his eyes towards Clare. "I was old enough for Clare, and old enough to raise our son, so yes I think I'm old enough to be out. Now pushing your lame jokes aside, let's get down to why I'm ready here."

I raised an eye brow, "let's."

Clare tugged on my arm, "if we are all going to talk about things right now, then let's do it outside."

Zig nodded and began walking towards the back entrance, Clare and I followed. I kept mentally reminding myself not to hit him, he did an amazing thing taking care of my son, but yet I still felt this hatred inside for him. I was jealous, jealous that he had been living the life that was supposed to be mine. When we reached to back yard Zig grabbed a chair and sat down, motioning for Clare and I to do the same.

After we sat down Zig began to speak, staring at me. "I raised that child, I financially and emotionally took care of him. I never pictured Clare would take him away from me, not in a million years. I had every intention of being there at his graduation, being the grandpa to his kids. This was always a long term thing, and now all of a sudden you're trying to take it all away from me."

Zig's voice held so much sadness in it, I almost felt sorry for him. "I am not taking anything from you, he is mine. In every way Zig. He was never yours, and I'm sorry but that's the truth. I appreciate what you did in my absence, but I will not apologize for being his father. Im going to allow you to see him, what more do you want?"

Zig's tone became rough and loud. "Him. I want him. I'm going to fight for visitation rights."

I kept silent, shocked, but Clare stood up angrily. "Screw you! Zig why in the world would you ever want to put him through a court battle? You are being selfish, and childish. Far from a father, far from it! I made a mess of everything by ever keeping anything having to do with my son from Eli. It was wrong and it was selfish, but none of it was Eli's fault."

"I am not blaming Eli, Clare! Put yourself in my shoes! What would you do if someone took him from you! I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm dying every day without my little man Clare. I'm doing this for him, he needs his daddy. Not a biological father, but his daddy."

I stood up standing by Clare, my anger beggining to boil. "Can you stop! I am his daddy, I love him. I am taking care of him now, the way you did. You have no right to say I'm not his daddy, don't you ever say that again. I was going to let you see him, but you know what? Screw that, do what you think you have to do, but my son will not see you ever again, not if I have anything to say about it."

Zig took a step closer to me, we were inches from each other now. "Be careful about throwing threats around like that, emo boy."

"You're trying to start a fight, I'm not here for that. I feel sorry for you, because I have everything you want. Punching you right now isn't worth it, instead of fighting for what's mine, go find your own happiness. With your own family. When I look at my son I see my reflection, he is mine. He has always been mine. He loves me Zig, and he was acting out without me in his life. Can't you do what's best for him, instead of being selfish?"

Zig looked at Clare, ignoring me now. "Clare you know he loves me, there isn't anything in the world that's going to keep me from him. It was your choice to break up our family, not his. Who's really being selfish?"

Zig walked away, leaving Clare and I alone in an awkward silence. She was the one to Speak first. "Eli, what are you thinking?"

I turned to her, hesitating before speaking. I could see it in her eyes that she was afraid that I was angry. "Clare, I'm thinking that I love you. I'm thinking that I'm hurt also, but above all I'm thinking that I love you."

She bit her lip, looking down in confusion. "What do you mean, you're hurt?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her forehead. "Clare it's really hard for me, really, really hard. To know that our son has looked at someone else as a father, that hurts. I'm never going to lie to you again, about anything, so I have to be truthful about this. I'm angry, I wanted to kill Zig just now, literally. I love you though, and I know you need me to be level headed for our family. I'm worried that our son is going to want Zig, more than me."

Clare leaned her head on my chest, "Eli that's not going to happen, our baby boy has adored you his whole life. I made sure of it. I'm sorry for all this, I'm sorry our night was ruined, I'm sorry our life together was ruined."

I tightened my arms around her, "Dont say that, nothing's ruined. Our life together is just beginning, because of your bravery to come back to me. Really, the one to blame is me. When I think back on all the things I did while you were pregnant, it makes me sick. The names I called you...I just hate the person I was. Weather the baby had been mine, or Drew's I should have stayed by your side. If I had supported you from the beginning, nothing would have been the way it was."

clare lifted her head up, with watery eyes. "That's all in the past now Goldsworthy, we have so much ahead of us to look forward to."

I smiled back at her for a brief moment before frowning again. "What about Zig's threat, can he really do that Clare?"

Clare turned her head to the left, looking across the yard at Zig with sad eyes. "I don't know Eli, but I do know that whatever happens, as long as we are together, everything will work out." I took Clare's hand and started pulling her towards the back exit. "Eli where are we going?"

"To celebrate our night the right way, without any distractions. I'm sure Alli will understand." Clare looked back behind us, her mouth was half frowning. "Clare, we don't have to go."

Clare looked back at me, her blue eyes shining in the moonlight. "Eli I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you. I'm always with you."


	19. Chapter 19

Clare and I rounded the corner, and I immediately heard her gasp. Just as I had hoped, Alli came through with the horse and carriage.

"Eli, I don't think Zig was serious when he said he was expecting you to bring one of these things out. You, you didn't have to." Clare held her hand over her heart, her mouth hung slightly open.

I walked up behind her wrapping my arms around her shoulders. Alli did good, it was like a carriage out of a fairy tale, with white lights all around it. Even the horses gseemed to be glowing. "I had this planned way before what's his face showed up, but I did have a little help from Alli."

Clare turned around to face me, keeping herself in my arms. "Elijah. It's beautiful, you really didn't have to."

"If you seem to recall a certain high school prom, you should remember that I'm fond of the whole horse and carriage thing. I just want to show you that this is our second chance, to give our fairytale a happy ending, and there's nothing in the world that I'm going to let get in the way of that. For tnight, I just want to be those two teenagers again, who despite their differences, loved each other more than anything in the world." I reached into the carriage and pulled out Clare's crown from prom, holding it out for her to take. "What do you say, my queen?"

Clare looked up at me, smiling wide. "Eli no, you didn't. How do you still have this?"

"You left it in the first carriage, so I'm bringing it back to you in this one."

"I can't believe you kept this." She took the crown from me, and placed it on her head. "How do I look?"

I held her gaze for a moment before speaking, taking in every enchanting feature of her face. "Beautiful, you look so beautiful. Almost like a dream."

Clare looked down blushing, and smirked. "Yeah, well I bet I sure do look a lot older."

I put my index finger under her chin and lifted her head back up. "Clare Edwards you look the same wearing that crown now, as you did then. The only difference is I love you more now."

Clare kissed me lightly on the cheek, "Well shall we go, my king?"

I opened the carriage door motioning for Clare to get in, and I sat down next to her closing the door. The first few minutes of the ride were silent, and I could tell Clare had something on her mind. "What are you thinking blue eyes, honest truth."

"I cant stop thinking about everything that's changed since, well ironically prom. That was the last night that things were somewhat normal, ever since then everything has been crazy. We haven't had a moment to just breathe, to just be happy together. Even now, we have Zig trying to fight us over Adam."

I pulled Clare closer to me, throwing my coat over her. "None of that right now, ok? That night, the night we made love for the first time, it was one of the best nights of my life, and even though things have happened since then, I still love you Clare. Do I have to drive a hearse into a wall to prove it to you?"

Clare's eyes widened. "Eli no."

I smoothed her hair back laughing. "You know I'm kidding."

"I do, of course I do. So, is there a stop on this ride at any point?"

I smirked, "I thought you'd never ask."

I stopped the carriage, and Clare sat up looking around. "Eli, I don't understand? Where is our stop exactly?"

I lifted my eye brows, "It isn't obvious? Our bench."

"I know this is our bench, of course, but why are we at it exactly?"

"Because tonight, we're the old Eli and Clare. The old me took you here a lot for coffee dates." Clare raised an eye brow, causing my excitement to deflate. "Which after all these years Im now realizing is a really lame date, I'm sorry Clare. This was dumb."

She grabbed my hand, flashing me her famous half smile. "No, it wasn't, and it isn't. This is perfect. I would love to sit on this bench with you, more than anything." I smiled, opening the carriage door for her. I tied the carriage to the light pole and We both sat down in silence, taking our surroundings in. Clare lightly punched my shoulder, "So, what's next? Are you going to make me scream at the top of my lungs again?"

I laughed, "No, this time I'm just going to enjoy you, besides there aren't any people around to embarrass you with anyways."

Clare smiled leaning her head on my shoulder, "This is all I want. Forever."

"You know, this is where I first knew I loved you. I mean I loved you from the moment I ran over your glasses, but here, this is where I realized it. That's why I wanted to sit here with you, because it validates everything that I knew in the moment I sat here, watching you scream at the top of your lungs all those years ago. I promised myself then that in 5, 10, 20, well really that until we died I'd always bring you here to remind myself why I fell in love with you. I realize now though I don't need to bring you here for that, I know now that no matter what I'm all in, until we stop breathing Clare."

Clare let go of my hand, and looked down at the floor. "Thats what I'm afraid of."

"What do you mean by that?" Clare stood up and started walking down the sidewalk. I ran after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her back around. "Clare!"

"Eli, calm down. I didn't mean anything, well I mean I do. I just don't want to mean anything right now, tonight is special, and I don't want to ruin it."

"There isn't anything in the world that can ruin this, besides running away right now. Tell me what's on your mind please, that's what I'm here for, always." A tear ran down her cheek, and I wiped it away with my thumb. "Clare, don't cry, what's going on? You have to tell me, right now."

"That's just it, nothing is going on, I just think it is. I'm being paranoid, and I don't know why I'm saying Eli, but I know that I'm afraid. Eli I'm afraid that I'm sick again."

I took a step back from her, trying to let my mind catch up. "What do you mean that you're sick again? You're not, you're fine. Look at you, you're healthy as can be, you just went to the doctor, everything is fine." I could feel myself starting to panic, and my throat slowly starting to close. "Don't say it isn't fine."

Clare closed the space between us, grabbing my hand. "I haven't been feeling good, so I made the appointment, it wasn't an annual one. I didn't want to tell you, because everything has been so amazing. It's like as soon as I get you back God smacks me in the face again, it's like I don't deserve to be happy."

I pulled her into a hug, "Baby you don't know that anything is wrong. Let's just wait, see what the tests say, and then go from there."

"You're right, I'm probably being a fool anyways. I'm sorry."

I rested my chin on top of her head. "Don't be. Like I said, nothing can ever be ruined as long as I have you."

"I can't wait to marry you Eli Goldsworthy." Clare got on her tiptoes and crushed her lip's to mine, and nothing else mattered."

Jakesmom- there will be plenty of Zig, don't worry. Thanks for your review, as always, you are the bomb :-)

Guest- That zig, he can be such a pain right? Thank you for the review, my little Rie Bee :D


	20. Chapter 20

The next few days after our carriage ride had been amazing, but in the back of my mind I couldn't help but worry about Clare, she was obsessing over the possibility of her cancer being back. Every time Adam brought up something that involved making future plans Clare would leave the room in tears. One night we were putting him to bed, and Clare got so upset Adam himself began to cry.

"Clare, Clare come back!" Clare slammed Adam's door, causing the pictures on his wall to fall off. I looked back at him, and he had little tears dripping off of his chin. "Adam it's ok, mommy is just tired." I wiped his tears with my shirt, seeing his sad eyes broke my heart.

"Daddy, what did I do? Does momma not want me in da weddin?"

Adams little lip quivered and I could feel mine starting to do the same. "No, of course she wants you to be our little ring bear. Mommy is just," I paused, not knowing what to say. I said I'd never lie to my children about anything, but I now knew why sometimes you had to. "Mommy is just tired, and she's worried that she will have to work on our wedding day, and mommy really wants you to be a ring bear, ok buddy."

"So she just doesn't want to miss the weddin?" I nodded. "Well, can you tell her I promise we won't do nothin until her work is over?"

I kissed Adam on the forehead. "I'll go tell her right now buddy, you go get some sleep."

as I was about to exit the room, I felt a tug on my shirt. "I don't wanna see mommy sad, if you maybe call Ziggy mommy will feel'd all better. He always makes her feel better."

I felt my stomach drop, and all I could do was whisper a "Yeah." Adam ran back to his bed, and I closed his door. I closed my eyes and slid down his door, landing on my bottom."

"Did you have a rough time in there too?" Clare was sitting across from me in the exact same position, with tears rolling down her cheeks. I stood up, and bent down to pick her up. As I cradled her in my arms, she only cried more. I sat down on the living room coach, still holding her.

"Clare, you can't do this to youself, or to Adam. You have no idea what the test results will say, you have to think positive."

Clare looked up at me with the saddest look I had ever seen on her face. "Eli, last time I had cancer, the biggest fear I had was losing all my hair, or you leaving me for being losing all of my hair. Now, that little boy in there depends on me. I'm his whole world, if he lost me he would be devastated. I've been the only consistent thing in his life since he was born."

"I'm here now too, and even so, noting is going to happen to you. Nothing, stop thinking that way." The last few words I spoke cracked, and I could feel my breathing starting to become uneven, because no matter how much I encouraged her to be positive, my mind was in the same place as hers.

"Eli, I don't want to not see him everyday, and you, I just got you back."

I looked away from her, not able to stomach seeing her so broken anymore. "No more, please. No more talking like you're going somewhere."

"Look at me. I need you to tell me right now, that if anything happens to me you won't let him forget me, and you'll take care of him."

I looked back at her and nodded as Clare wiped my tears away. "You know I would never let him forget you. Can we not about this anymore? Just the thought of you being sick again hurts me Clare." Clare slid off of my lap grabbing a picture of Adam off of the table next to the couch. She closed her eyes for a moment, and held the picture to her chest. I took the picture from her and put of back in its spot, "Clare." My voice was stern, and she seemed to snap out of her depression for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I just can't help thinking the worst. I had a nose bleed this morning Eli."

I could feel my face turning pale, imagining the first time I saw her nose bleed before we found out she had cancer before. "There could be a million different reasons why you had one."

Clare half smiled at me, and scooted closer to me again grabbing my hand. "I know that, you're right. Talking about this isn't going to do anyone any good. Should I go talk to Adam?"

"No he's probably asleep by now, he actually has someone he thinks you should talk to." There was an edge in my voice from just thinking about Zig.

Clare noticed my tone, and frowned. "Oh, who?"

"Ziggy, as our son called him. He said he always makes you feel better." My voice came out rougher than before, and I mentally scolded myself. Clare was stressed enough already, I didn't want to make anything worse, but sometimes I couldn't control my outburst's, and I hated myself for that.

Clare seemed unfazed by my outburst, which only made me feel worse. "Eli I'm sorry. Zig was always my shoulder to cry on."

"Thats just great Clare, please tell me more." My words were soaked in sarcasm, but it was better than yelling.

"I shed a lot of tears over you."

My heart melted at her words, and the guilt hit me like a ton of bricks. "Clare I'm sorry I snapped, it's just a touchy subject for me. I need to put my pride aside though, because I know that he was a big part of Adam's life. Tomorrow, we need to invite him over for dinner."

Me trying to act rational seemed to anger Clare more than my being angry and jealous. "Oh, and what just got him into the role of uncle Zig?"

"Yes exactly that. That's the only way I know how to make this all make sense for our son."

"I just don't like being around him, I feel like it upsets you. I don't want you to go away." Clare looked down at her lap, and began to fidget with her hands.

I put my hands over hers to make her focus on me, and not her hands. "Now you look at me Ms. Edwards, I'm not going anywhere, I'm mature enough to get through this. You and I have a long future ahead of us, no matter what the test results say, or what Zig does."

Clare tilted her head, and a smile appeared on her face. "So, since we are talking about forever. Have you thought about a date for our wedding? I would like to do it as soon as possible."

I shook my head, "Not if its because you're scared you have cancer, no way."

Clare put both hands on the side's of my face, "Eli, I want to get married soon because it's way passed time for me to be your wife, but if that isn't what you want..."

"Of course it is, there is nothing more that I want than to be your husband. Name a time and place, and I'll be there."

Clare put her forehead on mine, "How about next week, Alli's back yard?"

I pulled away, surprised. "Are you serious?"

"Dead."

I rolled my eyes, "That isn't funny."

Clare brushed my bangs out of my face, "it's just a little joke, but yes, I'm serious. I already talked to Alli about it, after I called her to thank her for helping you out the other night. She is really happy that we found our way back to each other, and she wants to help in any way she can. So what do you say?"

"I say I'm there." Clare squealed, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek repeatedly. I began to tickled her, and we both rolled on to the floor in laughter. Our laughter was interrupted by the ringing of the house phone. I jokingly made an angry face, "Who would be calling you at 9 at night missy?"

Clare rolled off of me sprinting to the phone. "My doctor, she and I have formed a very close relationship over the years, this is her cell number. Eli, my results. It has to be."


	21. Chapter 21

Clare answered the phone with wild eyes, putting it on speaker. "Beth, what's wrong? Why are you calling so late, is it bad news?" I grabbed Clare's hand, trying to keep her calm.

"No actually, well it's not good news, but it isn't terrible. There was a mix up in the lab, all the blood work done that day has been compromised. You're going to have to schedule another appointment, I'm so sorry. I know that it's important to have the results as soon as possible."

Clare took a sigh of relief, "That's fine Beth, I'm sorry for being so frantic, I just got scared because you called late, and on your personal phone. I'll make an appointment first thing tomorrow."

"Don't be sorry Clare, this is a serious thing. I'm sorry if I scared you, I'll see you at the appointment, try to stay calm my friend. Think positive, goodbye." Clare hung up the phone, slowly setting it down on the counter.

I closed my eyes, and pulled her into my arms. "I hate that you have to go through this Clare. I love you."

Clare tightened her arms around me, "I just want to focus on this, right here. You're the only thing that keeps me from falling apart."

I pulled away, but kept Clare's hand in mine. "Let's go to bed, ok? You need rest." Clare weakly nodded, and I walked her back to our room. She didn't say anything as she gathered her clothes to take a shower. She closed the door, and I heard the water turn on. I changed out of my clothes, and into my boxers, deciding to take a shower in the morning. I slipped into the left side of the bed, my side, and pulled the covers over me. I grabbed the photo that sat on the night stand of Clare, Adam, and me. Clare had been forcing us to take so many pictures together in the last few days, putting them up everywhere, and it now made sense. She's been scared this whole time, silently suffering, all alone. I ran my thumb over the picture, and my heart started to race. Thinking about losing Clare literally scared me to death, and I couldn't control the tears that began to shed. The bathroom door opened and I sat up, setting the picture back in its place, and wiping my eyes. "Clare, how was your shower?"

Clare tilted her head looking at me sympathetically, "Eli, you're crying." She walked around to her side of the bed and climbed in next to me. She put her head down on her pillow opening her arms wide, "Come here."

I put my head on her chest, and she held me closer, as I let me tears freely fall. "It isn't fair that someone like you has to suffer through the things you do. It's not fair."

Clare's voice came out low, and wobbly. "I don't want you to worry about me, I want you to enjoy this beautiful life that we're sharing Eli."

I responded, trying to keep my voice steady enough for her to understand. "I'm more worried about myself, what would I do without you? That's all that has been running through my mind, and the only thing that's come to my mind it Dying. Because I would Clare, I swear I would die if I lost you. I know I should be strong for you, but I can't lie to you. I wouldn't make it."

I could feel Clare's hands start to shake as she played with my hair, "Eli you were right before, we don't know what's going on with me, so we should just wait for the results. I'll say this though, you wouldn't die, because I know that your instincts would be to take care of our boy. You're a good dad, and you'd live, for him."

I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of her heartbeat as I began to drift into sleep. Before I completely fell into slumber I whispered, "I love you Clare Diana Edwards."

"DAD!" I felt little hands pulling at my hair, and I quickly sat up.

"Adam, what's going on? Are you ok? Where's mom?"

Adam smiled wide, "She went to the store to pick up da food!"

I rubbed my eyes, "Food? For what?"

Adam hit my forehead with the palm of his hand, "The dinner with Ziggy daddy. Duh."

I looked to the night stand, it was 5:00 in the afternoon. "Adam why did you guys let me sleep so late. Buddy I wanted to take you to the park, and have a father son day."

Adam crawled to me, sitting himself on my lap. "I'm sorry daddy, mom said you were tired and to let you sleep. Are you mad at me?"

I laughed, "Of course not, we'll just have to have our father son day tomorrow. Are you excited for dinner buddy?" I gave no indication that I was dreading the dinner, but I was. I loathed the thought of sitting across from Zig, while he tried to get quality Time in with Adam.

"Yup. Mom said to tell you ta get ready, that da Goldsworthy men is nots slobs, and ta comb your hair."

I got up from the bed, taking Adam to the the restroom. "Son your mother is right, we are studs. So the first thing you need to do is take a bath." Adam made a disgusted face as he stuck his tongue out. I bathed him, then dressed him into some of his new clothes. He picked out a grey and back long sleeve striped shirt, and some of his black pants. I gave him his converse, before he could even think of putting on his sandals, my son wouldn't wear sandals ever. I took a shower while he watched cartoons on my bed, I came out in my black pants, converse, and slip knot t-shirt.

Adam look up at me, examining me up and down. "Dad pick me up." He reached his arms out, and picked him up into my arms."

"What's wrong buddy?"

Adam smiled putting his hand on my cheek. "You is very handsome dad, you know why?"

I raised an eye brow, "Do tell me son."

Adam raised the same eye brow I had raised, causing me to struggle to hold in a giggle. "Cause you look just like me. A pead in a pot."

Adam winked and I let the laugh escape my lips, "Son it's pea in a pod, and you look like me, not the other way around."

Adam tilted his head confused, as Clare opened the door with an annoyed look on her face. "What's taking you guys so long, I cooked a whole meal, you two have to be ready by now. Zig should be here any minute."

I set Adam down, "Us Goldsworthy men care about our appearance Clare, perfection takes time." Clare rolled her eyes. "Ok, ok, we're done Ms. Bossy pants."

Adam and I sat down at the table while Clare put spaghetti on all of the plates, and poured tea into our drinks. A knock rang through the house and Adam ran to the door. Clare and I followed behind him, and Adam opened the door.

"Ziggy!" Adam hugged Zig's leg all the way to the table, and I had to pinch myself to keep from losing it.

We all sat down, and After a few minutes of silence Clare decided to speak. "So Adam, it's good to see Zig right honey?"

Adam nodded, "Yup." He looked at Zig, tilting his head. "Why did ya go away? Are you gonna stay wit us?"

Zig put his fork down, and looked to Clare. "May I explain to him?" Clare looked to me, and then I looked to Zig nodding in approval.

"Well, Adam no. I won't be staying here with you guys, but I promise you I'll be around. I'm always going to be here when you need to talk or if you just miss me. I'm sorry I was gone for a little while, but mommy needed to find your-" Zig paused having trouble saying the word. "Dad."

Adam looked down at his plate with sad eyes, and it tore me apart. "So, mommy is my mommy, and daddy is my daddy...so what are you now Ziggy?"

Zig looked between me and Clare, not having an answer for this one, so I intervened. "He's Uncle Zig Adam. Nothing's changing buddy, he's just going to live in a different house, but you can see him whenever you want."

Clare smiled, "And I bet when he comes to visit he'll even bring presents if your lucky."

Zig interrupted, "Especially, when you come to stay with me bud."

Adam through his hands over his head, "Wow we getta still have sleepovers!"

Clare set her glass of tea down on the table rather hard, causing everyone to stare at her. "Adam I don't know that, that's going to happen son. Zig is very busy these days, but next weekend we can set something up, but Zig has to go home now. So go say goodbye."

Adams face fell again and he jumped out of his chair to go say his goodbye's. Zig picked him up, and walked over to the couch holding hm. "I'll only be gone for a little while ok Adam, don't worry, I'm going to be around always. I promise you that."

Adam pulled away from Zig and rubbed his eyes, "I'm a little sad Ziggy, do you still lub me? Is it cause I got a daddy now?"

A tear ran down Adams cheek and Zig pulled Adam close to him again. "No. Don't ever think that. Don't ever. I love you. I always will love you. Things are just changing, but it doesn't have to be bad. Ok?"

Adam pulled away and nodded, then he looked to me. "Daddy, can you take me to bed I am tired." I was sad that Adam was sad, but my heart melted knowing he still understood that I was his dad.

"Of course baby, come on."

Adam looked to Zig and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "Bye bye Ziggy, I'll see you later and we can play lots of games." Zig nodded and Adam jumped off his lap, and ran over to me.

Clare stood up, with fire in her eyes. "We will be right back, why don't you wait here Zig."

Zig nodded and Clare and I put Adam to bed, not saying a word to each other. Once Adam fell asleep I finally spoke. "Alright, what's up? Tell me why you're mad."

Clare through her hands over her hips, "Adam can't stay at another mans house without a parent with him at this age. I'm just not comfortable with it, it's weird. Especially now."

I kept my face neutral, "Clare I don't like the idea of it either, but I'm leaving the decisions regarding Zig up to you for the most part. I don't want to hurt Adam."

Clare's eyes softened, "You're an amazing man for that Eli, but I want what's best for Adam. Keeping Zig at a distance is what's best, he needs to be more like an uncle, rather than a parent. Adam has to understand what's going on, not be confused by spending nights with mom's ex. Do you get what I'm trying to say, am I being irrational?"

I wrapped my arms around her waist, "I do. You're a good mom, do what you know is best. Zig will have to understand, let's go talk to him."

Clare and I walked back out, sitting ourselves across from Zig on the other couch.

Zig put his hands behind his head, "Alright Clare, say what you have to say. Go ahead."

Clare crossed her legs nervously, "Zig. You can not, I mean can not say things to Adam without knowing if I'm ok with those things.

He can't just stay over at your house. His place is in his home with his parents. I don't want to hurt you, but you aren't a parent to him."

Zig crossed his arms sitting up a little straighter, "Wow, I'm not a parent to him? That's interesting, I'm sure this all coming for you right Eli? You've already brain washed Adam into dressing like you, I'm sure it wasn't hard to brain wash Clare against me."

I silently reminded myself to act calm before speaking, I didn't want to make things worse for Adam. "No Zig, it's not my decision actually, but I don't disagree with Clare. I could see the way Adam lit up when he saw you, we're not trying to take him away, but you have to understand that things are different now."

Zig didn't look fazed by what I said, he still wore an angered expression on his face. "Screw this whole thing honestly, I don't buy that I'm not a parent shit you two are spewing at me. I don't want, nor do I need pity from you guys, but I DO deserve certain things. Why do I deserve these certain things you might ask? Because I raised that kid for the majority of his life, that does in fact make me a parent. No matter how you two try to spin it. I'm not going to settle for these dinners, it isn't enough for me. I want every other weekend's, with him and me, just us. I'm going to take this to court, and I'm going to win." Zig stood up and walked to the door, but still faced our direction, while keeping his eyes on Clare. "You're right Clare, things have changed. He has three parents now, and I think we should all get used to it."

Zig shut the door, leaving us both in shock.

Sorry it took so long for me to update. Let me know what you think guys :)


	22. Chapter 22

"Clare wait here." I couldn't control myself anymore, Zig had gone too far. I felt the hairs on my neck sticking up, and all I could think about was Clare's facial expression when Zig threatened us with court. Clare looked at me with confusion in her eyes as I ran out out of the house, without a word. I started running down the sidewalk calling out for Zig. "Zig! Hey Zig! Hold on!"

I finally caught up to him, and he turned around to face me, annoyance written all over his face. "Please go away Goldsworthy, I've had enough of your face for on nig-" I pulled my fist back slamming it into his face as hard as I could, he stumbled back wards clenching his jaw with his hand. As soon as I did it I felt a twinge of regret that I let my anger get the best of me, even though that had been the exact thing I was trying to avoid all night. "What the fuck is your damage!" Zig spit out blood, as I breathlessly stood in front of him frozen in my anger.

"I just want you to stay away from us. Just stay away Zig." My jaw was clenched, and I was digging my nails into my palms trying to stay calm.

Zig grinned, laughing. "You're even crazier than everyone used to say back in school Eli. You honestly think that punching me is going to make me more willing to give my son up to you? The court is going to love hearing about this." Zig began to clap, blood still dripping from his mouth. "Good job, dad of the year Eli."

His sarcasm caused my anger to boil over again. "He isn't yours!"

Just as I was about to lunge for Zig, I felt her arms wrap around my waist from behind, holding me in place. "Elijah, come back home with me please. Stop for your son, and just walk away." Her voice was was low, but strong and I could feel the desperation in it.

My body was shaking, and Clare's words were the only thing keeping me somewhat sane. I kept my eyes on Zig, "No more visitation, no more anything. Do what you have to do, but you need to know that so will I. I won't let you take him from me."

Zig looked past me to Clare, and his face became soft. "I'll go home right now, and refrain from kick your ass, for Clare."

Clare started tugging on my arm back towards the house, and I reluctantly followed, giving Zig one last glare before turning my back to him. As soon as we entered the house, I could feel the tension. I knew Clare was upset, so I opened my mouth to apologize, but before I could I felt her hand smash into my cheek. I brought my hand up to my throbbing face, with shock in my eyes. "Clare?" I was in disbelief, we had never physically hurt each other in the slightest. I felt like I was staring at someone I didn't recognize, and I could feel my heart begin to race.

She had her hands balled into fists, and tears ran down her cheeks. "How dare you. How dare you do what you just did. You promised to stay level headed for this family, yet you just did everything you could to throw everything away!"

I walked towards her, but she only stepped further away from me. Despite the hurt I felt from her slapping me, seeing her in pain hurt more. "Clare, I'm sorry, I lost it. I get it, I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stand how upset he had made you. I was trying to protect our family, not throw it away. Why can't you understand that?"

Clare threw her hands over her head. "We have so much, just so much going on! What is wrong with you! I'm afraid I'm dying, we're supposed to be getting married, and Zig is trying to take us to court over Adam! All the while, we're just trying to adjust as a family, and your brilliant solution is to punch Zig! Great job Eli, you're doing an outstanding job of protecting us."

I wiped a tear from my eye, "Clare, I'm sorry."

"No excuses this time Eli. They don't work anymore, this isn't like when we were in high school. You can't mess up like that, and then just say you're sorry! There are consequences to your actions now, what if we lose the court case because of this? What if the judge even demands you only be with Adam while supervised? If you can't handle your bipolar disorder then leave, Adam doesn't need someone crazy as a father Eli!" As soon as Clare finished her rant, her eyes became huge in realization of what she just said, and she began shaking her head back and forth. "Eli no, no. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that, at all. I just was so mad, and scared, I didn't know what I was saying."

Clare took a step towards me, and I stepped back shaking my head in disbelief. "You were just mad, and scared? Yeah, I know that feeling. Guess that makes us both crazy then." Her words kept ringing through my head as I ran back to our room, crazy? She had never spoken to me like that, deliberately hurting me. I pulled my suitcase out of our closet, throwing it onto the bed, and began throwing clothes into it. I didn't know what I was doing, but I kept packing anyways. All I kept playing over in my head head was her hand going across my face, and the words that she spit at me with such anger.

Clare crawled onto the bed crying, and throwing everything I threw into the suit case out, and onto the floor. "Eli stop it please, what are you doing? Are are you really doing this!" Clare's eyes were blood shot, and her chest was heaving.

I didn't make eye contact with her, I just kept picking clothes up off the floor and putting them back into the suit case. "Clare grabbed my face, forcing me to look into her her eyes. She quietly sobbed, "Are you leaving us again Eli, really?"

I looked into her eyes, and I slowly pushed the suit case off of the bed. I knew that I couldn't go, I couldn't give up on us the moment things got tough. "No." I sat down on the bed in shame, and Clare climbed into my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist, and throwing her arms around my neck.

I wrapped my arms around her, holding on to her for dear life. "Eli please" she sobbed. "Don't go, don't go. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have hit you, I shouldn't have said those things, I shouldn't...I just shouldn't have."

I barley chocked out, "I'm not leaving." Clare pulled away from me holding my gaze, and then pressed her lips to mine. I kissed her back with the same hunger, we were both trying to erase the things we said to each other. She grabbed my hair, pulling me closer while moaning into my mouth. I ran my hands through her hair, while running my tongue around the edges of her lips. Clare pushed me flat onto the bed, and while climbing on top of me she began to unbutton my pants. When they came undone I pulled her head back towards me so that I could kiss her again, "Clare I love you so much."

As Clare planted kisses down my jaw line she breathlessly mumbled, "I love you too."

Just as she began to slip my pants off there was a knock at our door, breaking the moment. "Mommy, daddy? I'm scared."

I panicked and rolled her off of me, causing her to fall to the floor. "Eli!" She groaned.

I pulled my pants up and buttoned them, then I helped Clare up, giving her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I panicked."

Clare rolled her eyes, and got up to open the door. "Adam, what's wrong?"

Adam put his arms up, reaching for Clare. "I had a bad dweam. Can I sleep with you and daddy?"

Clare picked Adam up, holding him close to her chest. "Of course baby, dad and I are here."

Clare and I lay in bed with Adam between us fast asleep, and I couldn't help but think about what an idiot I was.

She looked at me with sympathetic eyes, "I'm sorry Eli, are you upset? I wanted to, too, but he was scared."

I smiled and tucked a curl behind her ear, "No, it isn't that. I'm just thinking about tonight, and how stupid I am. Why would I do something to lose this? Because this right here Clare Edwards, it doesn't get better." I briefly closed my eyes, flashing back to hitting Zig. "I'm sorry I'm crazy sometimes."

I looked down, and Clare placed her finger under my chin, lifting my head back up. "You are not crazy, I'm the dumb one for saying that, and for making things bigger than they were. Eli I love you, and I'm proud of you, really. You and I are young parents, and we're both going to make mistakes, but he's a happy little boy. That's what's important."

I leaned over giving Clare a chaste kiss on the cheek. "Clare Edwards you're the most amazing person In the world, and I can't believe I have to wait a week to marry you."

Clare smiled, "I was texting Alli about that actually, she's so excited. She says she almost has everything planned, all we have to do is show up Saturday."

I happily sighed, "Wow, that makes it sound so close. Today's what, Tuesday? So in actuality, we really only have four more days."

Clare nodded, grinning ear to ear. "It's amazing. There's nothing standing in our way, I can just feel it Eli, things are going to work out."

A thought crossed my mind, and I frowned. "Did you make your appointment?"

Clare slowly nodded, "I made it for Friday, I don't want to find out until after the wedding."

I shook my head angrily, "Clare your health is more important than anything. You can't put it off another second."

"Eli, I promise you, I have this feeling. I can't explain it, but I know everything is ok. I think I was being a little hasty assuming the worst, I haven't felt bad in a few days. I think I had a cold or something, honestly. Trust me, we're going to get married, work something out with Zig, and live happily ever after. Don't worry so much."

I smiled and yawned while rubbing her cheek. "I always worry about you."

Clare closed her eyes, "Goodnight Eli. I love you."

"Forever and always Clare."


	23. Chapter 23

**4 days later.**

Clare's pov

Through Alli's bedroom window I could see all of the familiar faces shuffling their way into her back yard, it was amazing how many people there were. Alli had turned her back yard into a fairytale setting, it was everything I had always dreamt it would be. Everything was decorated in Snowy White, with tiny hints of black here and there. The rose pedals down the isle, the napkins, bench covers, and etc. we're all black. The sun was setting, and all of the trees were lit up with white lights, the whole scene took my breath away. The time was nearing for the ceremony to start, so I sat down at Alli's vanity. I turned my head around to face her, holding my necklace out to her. "Can you, please?"

She stood behind me with disappointed eyes as she began to clasp my necklace. As I watched her in the mirror, I couldn't help but admire her for the amazing person she had grown to be since high school. "Alli thank you for all of this, it's so beautiful. I'm lucky to have you as a best friend, I really am. I hope you know that."

Alli blankly stared at me in the mirror, "Don't you dare Clare, don't pretend everything is fine."

Once she clasped the necklace I turned around, taking her hands in mine. "Please don't do this, I need you to forget what you know. I want to enjoy today."

Alli's face softened as she knelt down in front of me, "Clare, honey, please do not walk down that isle without telling him."

I let go of Alli's hands in anger, "Can you stop it, please? Today may be my last normal day that I have for a long time, I want to enjoy it. What is one day going to hurt?"

Alli stood up shaking her head, "You need to be in treatment, you have LUNG CANCER Clare. This is a different kind of monster than the one you faced before!" Alli was crying, and her body was trembling. "I can't lose you Clare, and neither can Eli or Adam. You need to be in a hospital right now!"

Hearing it said out loud sent a shiver down my spine, I never expected that I would be told I had lung cancer. My doctor had my results come in early, and I received the news only hours before my wedding. It turns out, it's completely possible for people to get different kinds of cancers in the same lifetime. I had no idea that it could come back as something worse than before, but as always, I had thought wrong. "Listen, I know ok. I know this is scary, trust me, I'm the one going through this. You have to understand, lung cancer is extremely deadly Alli, and weather I'm in a hospital today or tomorrow, I might still die. Do you get that?"

Alli's voice croaked, "Don't you dare say that."

I walked over to her, and wiped a tear from her cheek. "It's a possibility, and I just want to spend one last day living, and I mean actually living. Can you give this to me, can you just support me? I am begging, don't take away the last good day I might ever have."

I could feel my eyes staring to gloss over, as she nodded. "I will smile, and I will hold your long ass train as you walk down the isle, because I love you Clare, and I want you to hold onto whatever happiness you can."

I threw my arms around her, "I love you too, always."

She quickly pulled away, wiping her face. "But as soon as you wake up tomorrow, you are going to tell him Clare. I'm going to have you in the best hospital, and you are going to beat this. I would give away my entire fortune, if that meant you would get better, I hope you know that."

My throat began to close, and I nodded. "I know that."

As Alli and I stared at each other in silence, there was a knock on the door, startling the both of us.

"Come in." I yelled.

Bullfrog came in, and when we caught sight of me he sucked in air while placing his hand over his heart. "My God, what a beauty. Alli, do you mind?"

Alli smiled, "Of course not, it's about that time anyways. Ill be downstairs waiting for you beauty."

I gave Alli one last hug before she left, and then it was Just Bullfrog and I. He took my hand and kissed it, motioning for me to sit beside him on the bench in front of the vanity. We sat down, and he just kept staring at me, making me wonder if I had too much makeup on. I awkwardly and rapidly blinked, "Is there something on my face?"

Bullfrog smiled, shaking his head. "Clare Edwards, do you understand how much I love you? Honestly? Do you get what you mean to my family?"

I smiled in surprise, "I do. You and CiCi have been so amazing to me, I could never thank you enough for what you're doing today. I know I'm not your daughter, and-"

Bullfrog put his hand up, "Stop right there, you are my daughter, you really are. Oh Clarabelle, you have had Eli's heart since day one, he is just so head over heels in love with you. You've always seen the good in him and for that, among many other reasons, I love you like my own. You gave me a grandchild, and there isn't anyone I'd rather have marry my son, it is an honor to walk you down the isle. I'm sorry your dad couldn't be here today, but I'm selfishly glad because his loss, is my gain." I was crying again, and Bullfrog wiped away my tears with his thumbs. "No crying, it's a happy day. Are you ready to become a Goldsworthy, officially?" He stood up, putting his arm out for me to take.

I stood up taking it, and squeezed it tightly. "I'm ready."

As we walked down the stairs, and into the back yard everything everything bad started to fade away. The only thing that mattered to me was that I was going to be joined together with Eli forever in the eyes of God. This day would bind us together forever, even after death. The back doors swung open, and everyone stood up. The melody to our song _Tonight I love you_ began to softly play in the back ground, and then our eyes finally met.

Eli's pov

Imogen and Fiona stood beside me patting my back to calm my nerves, but nothing helped. No matter how in love I was with Clare, or how much we'd been through together, I was still so nervous. As the music began to play Imogen leaned over to whisper in my ear, "We came here to be your best girls and watch you get married, not to watch you piss yourself, pull it together." I lightly chuckled, and nodded, thankful to have her by my side. The back doors opened, and there she was, arm and arm with my dad. Our eyes met, and everything around me disappeared, it was a completely different feeling than when I saw Lenore on our wedding day. This felt so right, I had no doubt that marrying Clare was the best decision I was ever going to make. Her white dress was long sleeved and laced, she looked like a princess. The closer she got, the more my nerves began to disappear, her smile melted away all my insecurity's. When she reached the end of the isle Father Donald began to speak.

"You may all be seated." He took a small pause waiting for everyone to sit back down. "Who gives this woman to this man in marriage?"

My father smiled, "I do." I had never loved my him more, than in that moment. He placed her hand in mine, and gave me a wink before sitting down by my mother in the front row.

Clare and I stood facing each other while holding hands as Father Donald began to speak again. "Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards, today you are surrounded by your friends and family, all of whom have gathered here to witness your marriage and to share in the joy of this special occasion. Today, as you join yourselves in marriage, there is a vast and unknown future stretching out before you. The possibilities and potentials of your married life are great, and it now falls upon your shoulders the task of choosing your values, and making real your dreams. Through your commitment to each other, may you grow and nurture a love that makes both of you better people, a love that continues to give you great joy, and also a passion for living that provides you with energy and patience to face the responsibilities of life." My hands were shaking and I was crying, Clare squeezed my hand to calm me down. "The bride and groom have written their own vows, so at this time Eli, would you like to start us off?"

I nodded, not needing to pull out any paper for this, the words were engraved into my mind. "Clare Edwards, you are the most beautiful person I've ever known, inside and out. Since the day I met you, I knew in my soul that you were it. Everyone can keep thinking what I know they're thinking, because yes, I know it sounds crazy, but Its the truth. The moment I looked into your eyes, I saw everything that I'd ever need to be ok in this world in them. Saying we've been through a lot together is an understatement, but we've made it through every hurdle together, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We have proven so many people wrong by just standing here today, and I know we will continue to prove them wrong for forever, but that isn't what matters. What matters is that we prove each other right, that we continue to grow together as a family, with our boy. You two are the greatest joy I've ever known. I promise that I will never leave your sides, and that I will never hurt or lie to you two. I am so in love with with you Clare Diana Edwards, and I will always be so in love with you."

Clare wiped away a tear, and when Father Donald looked her way she began to speak. "Well, I don't know how to top that, but here I go. Elijah Goldsworthy, where do I start? You came into my life like a hurricane, forcing me out of my comfort zone, making me look at the world in a way I never had before. I will never be able to thank you enough for that, because you made me into a stronger individual. I believe that God does things for a reason, and I believe he sent you to me for a reason Eli. It is so easy to say that **I** have gone gone through cancer, and losing a child, but that isn't so. **We** have gone through these things, every step of the way you were by my side making me move forward. If I didn't have you, I don't believe I'd be standing here today the same Clare Edwards, or maybe even at all for that matter. You have given me such joy, the joy of life, and the joy of a child. I promise you Eli, that I will spend all of my days doing my best to fill your life with just as much joy, as you have filled mine with. Forever and Always, I swear it."

We were both crying now as Adam handed us the rings. Father Donald spoke, "Now it is time for the traditional vows. Do you Clare, take Eli to be your lawfully wedded husband, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"

Clare nodded, "I do." While slipping my ring onto my finger.

"And Eli, Do you take Clare to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"

I nodded, "I do." While slipping Clare's ring onto her finger.

Father Donald Closed his book, "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride."

Everyone stood up clapping and I wrapped my arms around my wife, crashing my lips against hers. I quickly pulled away, feeling a tug on my pants. It was Adam. I lifted him up onto my shoulders, and grabbed Clare's hand. I was on top of the world, nothing could bring me down.

Father Donald clapped, "Ladies and gentlemen for the first time ever, I'd like to present to you the Eli Goldsworthy family."

 **Anon- YOU GIVE ME LIFE. lol, but seriously you are the best. You're compliments give me goosy's :))) thanks for being a great fan!**

 **Spinnerroxz16-I MISSED YOU. Don't stay gone too long next time! Hope everything is going good with the kids though!**


	24. Chapter 24

The smell of her hair filled my nostrils as we slowly danced to the song flightless bird American mouth by iron and wine, for the first time as a married couple.

I smiled to myself, "I don't know anything that could make this moment better."

Clare lightly sighed, squeezing her arms a little tighter around my neck. "I can think of something."

"Oh, and what would that be?" I lightly chuckled. "Jerky?"

"No. Adam Torres." She heavily breathed.

I felt my body stiffen as his face appeared in my mind. "I wish he could have stood beside me today, and I wish I could have heard his best man speech about being a third wheel officially now. He would have been so happy about us getting married, I wish he was here too Clare. I really do."

Clare pulled away enough so that we were facing each other, and when our eyes met I could see tears sitting on the rims of her eyes. "Eli, what if it had been me instead of him?"

My face fell, and my heart began to pace. "Why would you ask me that? It wasn't. It wasn't you, so don't talk like that."

"Would you have been ok? Do you think you would have moved on, and lived a normal life?"

I pursed my lips together in a straight line, I couldn't understand where this was coming from. "I wouldn't have been ok, not at all, not ever again. You survived though Clare, and you're alive, and you're here with me. I don't know why you beat yourself up about this, it isn't your fault he didn't live, and you did. We talked about this the other night, nothing is going to happen to you, why are you bringing this up right now? Did something happen?"

She could see the upset expression on my face, and she lightly smiled. "No reason, I just was thinking about Adam, and my mind started to drift. I'm happy too, and I'm sorry for brining that up. I love you."

The song ended and I kissed her lightly on the forehead, "I love you too. This is the best day of my life, let's enjoy it ok? I know Adam would want that for us."

Clare took my hand, and as we began to walk off the dance floor everyone started to clap. The DJ came over the speakers, a little loud for my liking. "Alright everyone lets here it for the happy newlyweds. As they leave the dance floor, don't be afraid to make your way onto it. I'm DJ Zip, and I'll be here all night."

I looked at Clare and rolled my eyes, and before she could respond Adam ran up to us, putting his arms up in the air. "I want to dance wit you guys now!"

I laughed picking him up into my arms, and looked at Clare. "Well?"

She nodded, and smiled wide. "Lets dance."

We walked back onto the dance floor along with many of our guests, and we began to dance. Both of us held Adam with one arm so that he was in between us, he was grinning ear to ear. The three of us spun around in circles for what felt like hours, we finally stopped, but only because we were about to run into an elderly couple. "Faster, faster, don't stop guys!"

I laughed enjoying his smile, as a new song started. "Ready to go again Clare?"

She looked at me nodding, but her face was red, and she was breathing heavy. "Ready." She whispered.

I set Adam down, beginning to feel concerned for Clare. "Buddy go play, mom and dad need to talk for a little bit ok."

Adam scrunched his face in anger. "No I want to dance!"

I looked over at Clare who was still heaving heavily. "Adam I said now, go find grandma Edwards. We'll be there in a minute."

"I can take him off your hands for a moment." Clare and I turned our heads around, it was Zig.

Adam ran passed us and into his arms. "Ziggy, did you come to play!"

Zig squeezed him tight, and spun him around. "Of course buddy, whatever makes you happy. I missed you so much!"

I tried to stay calm, I didn't want a repeat of the last time I saw Zig. I looked to Clare as she took a step forehead. "Zig put Adam down, please. Eli and I want him with my mother right now."

Zig looked to Adam sadly, and set him down. "Listen son, your mother wants you to go with Grandma Edwards for a minute." Adams face fell in disappointment. "Don't worry though, I'll be over to play with you in a little while."

Adam smiled, and high fived Zig before running off. "Can the three of us talk?" He asked.

I spoke so only Clare could hear me over the music. "What do you wanna do Clare? Are you ok to talk to him, you're looking a little sick. If you're not up to it, we don't have to. It's your day, I don't want it ruined."

Clare looked away from me to Zig, "Follow us!" She yelled. She grabbed my hand and led us over to the back fence of Alli's backyard.

Zig waisted no time, and began to go off on Clare. "You know why I'm here, I don't want to ruin your little wedding, but it's been long enough! What you've done should be illegal, it's low Clare. My lawyer is going to be serving you with papers tomorrow morning. I felt I should let you know that I'm going to come at you with everything I have."

I squinted my eyes in anger. "Are you serious? It's our wedding day, and you're going to pull this shit? This couldn't have waited, you had to come here and purposely upset my wife?"

Clare's face became red again, but this time from anger. "Zig no! Why? Why can't you just let this go. What did I ever do to you that was so bad!"

"Clare you know why I have to do this!"

Clare began screaming at Zig so loud that despite how far we were from the crowd, people began to look our way.b"I hate you! I hate you! He's my son, not yours! Damn you, damn you Zig!"

Clare began to hit Zig in the chest, and I immediately began pulling her back. "Clare stop it, stop! This isn't the answer, calm down!"

I had my arms wrapped around her waist holding her back, and as I made eye contact with Zig I could see the worry written on his face. "Clare, are you ok?" He took a few steps closer, causing me to snap.

"Stay away Zig, I'm warning you."

Zig kept stepping forward despite my protests, his eyes filled with panic. "Eli shut up for one second, she's having a panic attack, do something."

In my frantic effort to get her away from Zig I hadn't noticed how heavy Clare had become, or how heavy she was breathing. When I let go of her, her knees gave out, causing her to grab onto my shoulders. I stopped her from falling to the floor, and bent down on my knees holding onto Clare. As we sat on the floor and I made eye contact with her, I couldn't see anything in her eyes. It was like she was looking at me, but not really looking, like she was somewhere else. "Clare? Baby, Clare talk to me. Everything's fine, just breath." She still didn't say anything, and I couldn't control myself anymore, I let the crazy out. "Clare! Clare stop it please, please say something!" My face was twisted in pain as tears ran down my cheeks, and I began blubbering nonsense.

Zig knelt down beside me, wearing the same expression. "Clare talk to us please, I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry I ruined your wedding, I'm sorry dammit! I just wanted to see Adam, that's all I wanted."

At the mention of Adam's name Clare finally averted her eyes towards me, barley whispering her words. "Don't let him see me like this. Don't let him see Eli."

Clare's head fell, and she became unconscious. My eyes became wide as I looked at Zig. "Take her, please." Zig took her in his arms without question, and I began running back towards the crowd. I caught sight of my dad, and Clare's mother with Adam. I ran over to him, screaming and crying. "Dad help her, somebody help her!"

My father pulled me away from a frightened Adam. "Son what's wrong, use your words, I can't understand you!"

I looked up at him with my lip quivering. "Please call 911, I don't have my phone, call someone! Call someone! Clare needs help dad!"

Bullfrog's eyes widened and he pulled out his phone to call for help, without saying a word. I looked past him at Adam, who had wide eyes, and an afraid look on his face. I walked over to him, and knelt down wrapping my arms around him. I began crying into the crook of his neck, and without a word he wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed. "Don't cry daddy."

 **I don't own anything, incase it wasn't obvious. I'm not really happy with this chapter, but here it is anyways. Let me know what you guys thought.**


	25. Chapter 25

Beep. Beep. Beep. That's all I had been listening to for the last few hours while I tossed and turned on an uncomfortable cot. It was my wedding night and I was spending it with my unconscious wife in the hospital, while our son stayed with my father. The doctors put a breathing mask on her, they said that her brain wasn't receiving the proper amount of oxogen, which is what caused her to faint. When I asked why she hadn't been getting enough oxogen, they looked at me like I was an idiot. When they realized I really didn't know, they apologized for not explaining to me that she had stage 3 lung cancer, because they had assumed I knew. I didn't cry, and I didn't cause a scene, I just fell silent. I was oblivious to everyone and everything around me, my heart was broken. After breaking the news to me the doctors left the room, explaining that they'd be monitoring her through the night. I simply nodded, not taking my eyes off of Clare. Her makeup was still in tact, and the flowers she wore in her hair for the wedding still in place, but now she was in a hospital gown instead of a wedding dress.

"Eli, you need to get some sleep. Why don't you let me take you to your fathers, so that you can stay with Adam tonight?"

I tore my eyes away from Clare, so that I could face her mother, who had been standing beside the door, too afraid to see Clare hooked up to machines. "Thank you for the offer, but I'll be just fine right here."

Helen shook her head, biting her lip to keep from crying. "Oh Eli, I love you for loving her so much, but we must be rational. This kind of cancer she has, it's not good, ok? She's very sick, and we have to start focusing on how we're going to get Adam through this."

She reminded me so much of Clare, always trying to be factual, and it infuriated me. I stood up, causing everyone else in the room to cringe. "Don't say it, and don't imply it. She isn't going anywhere, out of all people I would think that you would know just how strong she is. She's done this before, she'll do it again."

Hellen wiped a tear from her cheek, looking at me with such pity. "If you need anything I'll be at the house. Don't hesitate to call." She quickly exited the room, leaving me alone with Imogen, Fiona, Jenna, K.C., Conner, Alli, Dallas, and Drew.

I sat back down in my chair, showing no emotion. I appreciated that they all came from the reception to see Clare, but I just wanted to be alone with her. Imogen came behind me, and wrapped her arms around me, whispering in my ear. "Eli I love you, and I'm going to do anything in the world that you need me to do, but I know you need to be alone with her. I'll call you tomorrow." She lightly kissed me on the cheek, while Fiona hugged me goodbye. The best thing about Imogen is that she knew me so well, I really did need to be alone, or I'd explode.

After ten minutes of silence, K.C., Jenna and Conner walked over to me from one of the couches in the room. Conner was the first to speak. "Eli is she going to die?"

I gritted my teeth trying to remember that Conner couldn't help the things he said sometimes. When I didn't respond Jenna intervened. "What he means is he really hopes that she is ok." I still kept silent, so Jenna walked around to the other side of Clare and sat on the edge of her bed. She squeezed her hand, and smiled. "Clare you're going to be just fine, I know it. I'm going to write a song about you when this is all said and done, it's going to be titled super woman, I think you'll love it."

For once Jenna's perky, "everything's going to be alright" attitude was a breath of fresh air. She stood up motioning for Conner to follow her, and they exited the room, but K.C. Stood in place facing me on the other side of Clare. "May I?" I nodded my head, and K.C. sat down, holding Clare's hand. "Hi Clare." K.C. paused almost like he was expecting her to respond, and when she didn't his face fell. "I don't know what to say, this shouldn't be you. You're perfect, you're Saint Clare, it just isn't right. I want you to know that I'm here for you, and that I'm sorry I ever hurt you, because no one as good as you, deserves for anything bad to happen to them. Especially not this. I'm blessed that you're still my friend, even though i don't really deserve your friendship. Me, you, Alli, and Conner, we'll always be friends, so don't leave us ok?" I uncomfortably watched K.C., stoke her hand as his eyes became glossy. He finally made eye contact with me, and let go. "Well I should get going, take good care of her man, if you need anything...I'm here."

Again, I just nodded, watching K.C. Leave the room. It was only me, Alli, Dallas, and Drew now. I dreaded hearing what they were going to say, it was eating away at me, the way everyone acted like she was dying. After a few more minutes Drew came over to me, and patted my back, startling me. "You know tonight I was going to apologize to you and Clare for getting in between you guys all those years ago, and then this happened. It's bullshit. I had a front row seat to the Eli and Clare show, and as crazy as you two were together sometimes, I could see that you two were meant to be. I don't mean this in a cheesy way, I just mean that you guys literally can get through anything together. Even this. Don't worry so much, she loves you...and Adam. She'll stick around."

I stood up from my chair, and turned around awkwardly to hug Drew while patting his back equally as awkwardly. Once his initially shock wore off, he awkwardly hugged me back. I finally gathered enough strength to speak, but could still only utter one word. "Thanks."

Drew half smiled and nodded his head in understanding, he then pulled away to look at Clare and bent down to kiss her hand. "Get better, I need my veep back in action."

An hour later Alli and Dallas still sat in Clare's hospital room, and just as I was about to ask for some alone time with her. She stood up, and she broke her silence. "Wake up." She slowly walked over to Clare, sitting beside her on the opposite side that I sat at. "Wake up now." Her voice was small, and her round eyes began to shed tears. "Wake up and tell me that you're going to be ok. Dammit Clare wake up!"

My head snapped up in surprise, and I looked back at Dallas who simply had his head in his hands. I looked back to Alli, who now wore an angry expression. "Alli, she's pretty medicated, we have to let her wake up on her own." My tone was dry.

She shook her head, crying into her hands. "You don't understand Eli! I knew it, I knew the whole time and I didn't say a word! I'm as bad as Lenore, I killed Clare, I killed her!"

My eyes widened, "What do mean Alli?" I huskily spoke.

"She told me about her diagnoses hours before the wedding, yet I let her go through the ceremony. She said she'd tell you the next day, and I just, I just stayed quiet. She could have been checked in early today, She could have already started treatment, but I didn't say anything!"

My fists were balled up in anger, but I quickly unclenched them. It wasn't her fault. "When Clare wants to do something, she does it. You couldn't have stopped her from going on with the wedding, don't blame yourself."

Alli looked at me in shock, "Eli. Do you know that in stage 3A lung cancer there is only a 24% survival rate? Do you understand that? I'm a doctor, yet I ignored all the facts about her disease, it isn't ok. If she dies-"

"Please just shut up." I yelled, causing Dallas to stand up, and Alli to flinch. "It doesn't matter Alli, it really doesn't, Clare knows how sick she is, ok?! It was her choice, now can you just stop? What's done is done, we have to deal with what is. Thank you for all of your help and support, but I think Dallas should take you home now."

Alli put her head on Clare's stomach and began to sob, causing Dallas to have to pry her off of Clare. He mumbled an "I'm sorry" my way, and dragged her out of the room, finally leaving the two of us alone. It didn't make anything better like I had thought it would though, I just became more depressed than before. I spent hours just staring her her, fighting the urge to pull her breathing mask off, and taking her home. I couldn't stand looking at her like that, I just wanted so desperately for her to be better. As I tossed and turned on the cot, she finally awoke.

"Elli."

I ran to her side, sitting beside her, while turning on a lamp. She had ready pulled off her breathing mask. "Clare put it back on." I warned.

She swatted my hand away as I tried to force it back on. "I'm fine, I don't need the stupid mask right now. I need to know what happened, where is Adam?"

I squeezed her hand, "He's at Bullfrogs. You fainted Clare, you've been out for hours, everyone's been so worried. Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep this from me, you seriously put yourself in danger."

Clare half smiled, "I'm sorry I worried you tonight, but I just wanted on last night as a family. The three of us...I don't regret keeping it a secret, because I will cherish this night for always."

I sucked in air, as I began to tremble. "Don't act like this night was the last night, don't bail on me now. We are going to have years and years of nights together, as a family with our little boy. You just have to fight for it Clare."

A tear ran down her cheek, as she struggle to speak. "Is he scared, does he know?"

I sighed, "I don't think so, but he's turning six in a few weeks, he's going to start understanding things a lot more, we have to tell him."

Clare squinted her eyes in pain, "Why Eli, why me."

I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed into my chest. "I don't know blue eyes, but I know that it's going to be ok. You're a Goldsworthy now, no excuses, you're going to fight this. Losing isn't aloud."


	26. Chapter 26

"Good morning sleepy head, how are you feeling?"

Clare rubbed her eyes, trying to wake herself up. "I feel really good, actually." She smiled as I sat beside her.

"Well, I'm glad. You're going to need to be as strong as possible, the nurse will be in here in 30 minutes to start the treatment." I kissed her hand, savoring these last few moments before she began chemo.

Clare frowned, rapidly blinking her eyes. "We're supposed to be on our honey moon right now." She whispered.

I caressed her cheek sympathetically. "As long as we're together, I'm happy blue eyes. We can go on our honey moon anytime, but right now you need to focus on getting better."

Clare's eyes slightly widened, "Eli, what are we going to do? You have work, and I'm obviously stuck here for a while, what will we do with Adam?"

I dropped my hand from her cheek, crossing my arms. "I'll take care of him, don't worry. If there's ever a time I can't, Bullfrog will watch him. It's ok, just focus on staying healthy, I'll take care of the rest."

Clare quickly grabbed my hand, "I'm sorry Eli, I don't mean to be a burden. I really don't."

The desperation in her voice pained my heart, and it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough to assure her that she wasn't a burden, that there wasn't anything in the world more important to me than her. I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger for a few seconds before pulling away. "You're my wife, not a burden, I love you Clare Diana. Nothing comes before you, weather you're sick or not. I vowed to be here through sickness, and all that other stuff, because I know if it was the other way around you'd do the same." Clare slowly nodded, and I could see she wasn't completely convinced, but I decided to drop the subject for the moment. "Would you like to see Adam, before the nurse comes in? He's in the hall with my mother."

Clare nodded, flashing me a quick smile. "Of course. Send him in."

I walked to the door, pausing to look back at Clare before opening it. "Hey Clare."

She smiled so happily at me, and it amazed me how in the wake of such a disease she could still smile. "Yes, Eli?"

"I love you. Ok? I just, I really do."

Clare looked at me sympathetically. "I know you do Elijah. I'm scared too, but it's going to be fine, I'm not going anywhere ok?" I slowly nodded. "Now go get Adam, I really need to see him."

I walked out into the hall, and when Adam caught sight of me he began to run my way, screaming "Daddy, daddy!"

I knelt down as he came running into my arms. "Buddy, shhhh. This is a hospital, we have to be on or best behavior, remember?"

Adam nodded sheepishly. "Where is mom? I want to see her now, please."

I smiled wide, "Well then come on, she wants to see you too."

Adams eyes lit up as I led him into Clare's room. He ran to her hospital bed and I picked him up, so that I could sit him beside her. When I placed him on the bed he began to frantically and spastically spew his words. "Mom where'd you go at the weddin? Why are you in the hospital? Why was Ziggy cryin? Why was dad cryin, and when are-"

Clare put her finger over his lips, and smiled. "Son, can you be a big boy for mom? You're almost 6, and mommy really needs you to be tough for me right now."

Adam's face fell, and he momentarily averted his eyes to the machines in the room, and then back to Clare. He hesitantly nodded. "Ok."

Clare dropped her finger from His lips. "Good. Adam, mommy is sick, very sick." Clare's voice was just a whisper, and I grabbed her hand in support.

Adam pondered over her words for a few seconds before speaking. "So just like when I was sick on that one day, and couldn't do nothin cause I felt so bad, and then I got to stay home from school?"

Clare shook her head, "No baby, this is a different kind of sick. I'm going to be staying here for a little while, and I'm going to get much more sick, until it's time to get better. See the doctors are going to give me medicine that doesn't make me feel good at first, but later it will make me feel better. Do you understand?"

Adam looked up to me in confusion. "Dad?"

I rubbed his back, agonizing over how confused he must be. "Son your mom is going to be sick, and when you see her she may look a bit different, but she's still mom. She's going to get better, and that's all you really need to understand buddy."

Adam looked back at Clare, "Is it your tummy?"

Her eyes became glossy, and her words cracked. "No. It isn't baby, it's mom's lungs honey. I need help to breathe better, they are broken right now."

The nurse came in, coughing to get our attention. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but It's time Mrs. Goldsworthy."

Adam wrapped his arms around Clare's neck, "Time for what, where are you goin mommy. They can't make you sicker, I won't let em!"

I briefly closed my eyes, gathering the strength to speak. "Adam mom needs her medicine, you can come back tomorrow ok? It's going to make her better, and I promise you she'll be right here waiting for you tomorrow, but right now you have to go with grandma CeCe so that mom can rest."

Adam began yelling into her shoulder, and his words were muffled, but I could make out one word, the word "no". Clare began to softly cry, "Eli please take him, please!"

I looked at her with scared eyes, how could I pull him away from her like this? I forced myself to pry him off her, quickly exiting the room as he kicked and screamed, only uttering the word "No."

I shut the door behind me, frantically looking for my mom. She was no where to be found, and Adam was beginning to cause a scene. He began to remind me of myself when I would have a bipolar episode, and the thought that I could have passed that down to him scared me. All I wanted was to make him stop, so I began to gently shake his shoulders. "Son calm down, it's ok. I'm right here!" I sat down in front of the door to Clare's room, and pulled him into my arms. "Dad isn't going anywhere. I'm here, I'm here, just breathe!" I felt him slowly relax into my arms, and his sobs quieted. I began to cry happy tears because he was calm again. "I love you Adam, I love you so much. Just stay calm ok. Just stay calm."

He peeked his head up to look at me, and nodded, while little tears fell from his eyes "I love you too, are you going to get sick too."

I sucked in air, "No I'm not, I'm right here ok. You have me."

"Do you two mind if I cut in on the moment?"

I looked up, and my eyes widened at the woman standing in front of me. She had long brown hair to her waist, and she had noticeably tan skin. It was Darcy. Adam tilted his head in awe, wiping his tears. "Who's that?"

I stood up, keeping Adam's hand in mine. "This is your aunt Darcy Adam, she's momma's sister."

Darcy smiled wide, with glossy eyes and put her hand out for Adam to shake. "It's so nice to actually meet you nephew."

Adam blankly stared at her, and then back to me. "Dad, can I go with grandma now?"

As if on cue my mother rounded the corner breathing heavily. "I'm sorry baby boy, I forgot my phone charger in the car! Is everything ok? What can I do? Are you hungry, tired, sad? Why are you crying! Where's Clare!"

I awkwardly chuckled, wiping my tears away, "Mom I'm fine, calm down. Can you take Adam home? He needs a nap, I'll be there tonight to get him, I just want to stay with Clare for a little longer."

CeCe nodded, and took Adam's hand. "Of course baby, I'll leave you and-"

She curiously looked at Darcy, waiting for an answer as to who the strange women was. "This is Clare's sister mother." I informed her.

CeCe dramatically laughed, "Oh of course, I knew that. Well, I'll see you two tomorrow then, let's go Adam."

I gave Adam one last hug bye, and when he and my mom faded out of site, I finally had an opportunity to talk to my sister in-law for the first time, but I came to find I really didn't have much to say. I didn't really know the woman in front of me, and on top of that her presence wasn't expected. "So, Africa?" I awkwardly croaked.

Darcy raised her eye brow. "Africa? That's what you have to say? How about we talk about my sister, that's the important thing. Don't you think?"

I pulled my face back in shock at her harsh tone, "Of course that's the important thing. Why would you question that?"

Darcy smiled sarcastically, and began to speak to me like I was an infant who couldn't comprehend her words. "Listen, this is my sister here, and I'm going to do everything I can to get her better. I don't mean to come off rude I just, I don't know you ok? I think that it's best if she has her family here to take care of her. I'll call my mother and father over, and that will give you plenty of time to take care of the boy. I know you've only recently been back in Clare's life, and this may be a lot to handle, but Darcy Edwards is here to take over. So don't worry."

I angrily crossed my arms. "I'm her husband, and the father of her child. Where have you been all these years? No where in sight, and now you're here to take over? Until now, I've only ever seen pictures of you. I don't think that you have any right to decided what's best for my wife, I'm sorry, but I am her family now, Darcy Edwards."

Darcy's eyes were full of fire, and she was about to argue with me, but the nurse opened the door braking her concentration. "Mr. Goldsworthy your wife would like to see you."

 **Prisca- Sorry it took a little while to update, but I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I have so many things going through my head for this story, so be prepared. Luv u :)**

 **Anon- I hope speechless is good! Thank you for your compliments, they always make me feel so confident! You're so amazing, you rock. -Rie (:**

 **Guest- I don't know why you corrected that particular word, but thanks. I have plenty of misspellings and I apologize, but my time is so limited I don't have time to go through and make everything perfect. I do my best, but it's either take months to update, or update with a few mistakes. I am sorry though! Your review is appreciated- Rie.**


	27. Chapter 27

After convincing Darcy to let me go in alone, I finally entered Clare's room. She ly on her hospital bed curled into a ball, facing the wall with a blank stare. This was a surprise to me, I hadn't recalled her treatment affecting her so fast and so drastically last time around. As I walked in her eyes averted to me, and a weak smile spread across her face. I sat down on her bed, slowly brushing her bangs out of her face. "How are you feeling baby?" I choked out.

She weakly shook her head no, tears trickling down her cheek. "It hurts Eli."

My breath caught, and my body began to tingle. The feeling in my legs began to fade away, and amid my many thoughts, I acknowledged the one in the back of my mind that I might pass out. I breathed out "It's going to be ok." So low that I wasn't sure if Clare could really hear me. Maybe I was saying it more for myself. She frowned, forcing herself to lift her arm so that she could caress my cheek with her thumb. I held my face tightly together to keep it from scrunching into an ugly cry face, but that only made it appear like I was half laughing. As the sobs finally escaped my mouth, they actually did sound like I was holding in a laughter. That caused Clare to raise an eye brow in confusion, but When a tear ran over Her thumb her eyes fell in understanding.

She dropped her hand from my cheek, and closed her eyes, "Eli it's ok. Please don't."

I dropped my face into my hands sobbing. It wasn't fair, God it was actually down right cruel. I knew that I was being weak, and that the only thing my tears were accomplishing was scaring Clare even further, but no matter what rational thought ran through my head, all I could do was cry. It was like the realization that my wife, the love of my life, was dying for no reason other than because, finally began to sink in, and I was destroyed by it. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders, slowly pulling me off of the bed. I let them drag me out of the room without protest, as I continued to cry. If Clare had called out for me to stay I wouldn't have known. My eyes were so clouded by tears, and my mind was so hazy I couldn't even decipher the person dragging me out. When the door shut behind me, I fell to my knees, letting my face fall back into my hands. I screamed into them, my words coming out muffled. "Why! God why her."

I felt the the same pair of arms wrap around me. "Eli, she's gonna be alright. Man stop it. Be strong for her, for Adam!"

I pushed off of his chest, I knew that voice anywhere, it was Zig. "What the hell are you doing here. Leave, leave now!" My chest was heaving, and I wiped the tears from my eyes. It was easy to gear my anger towards him, as long as I didn't have to focus on Clare. That was too painful.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. I want to help you and Clare Eli, I care about her too. Let me help."

I scoffed. "Help? Help with what, trying to take our son? Screw you, you don't need to be here at all right now."

Zig shook his head, "I'm not taking him."

The anger began to fade from my face as I began to comprehend his words. "What?"

Zig looked down at the floor, "I was wrong. The way I went about things wasn't right, I should have tried to work things out with you and Clare. Adam was frightened the night of the wedding, he was scared for his mother, and you were the only thing that could calm him down. In that moment I knew I had to stop this whole mess. He's going to need you more than ever now, who am I to take him away from you? He's your son." Zig looked back up at me, with tears threatening to fall. "I came to let Clare know, but I can see she isn't feeling well, so I'll let you tell her. Eli if you need anything. You know."

I stared at him, for what felt like hours, trying to find the words to express the respect I felt for him in that moment. Knowing I didn't have to worry about fighting for Adam, knowing that she didn't have to, it felt like a ton of bricks had been pulled off my chest. Even as Zig walked passed me, I still didn't know what to say. I turned around grabbing his arm, and his eyes widened in confusion. I opened my mouth to speak, but my words wouldn't come out. I pulled him into a hug, patting his back. "You don't have to say it, i know." He stated. Zig pulled away, his face free of emotion. "Tell Adam I'll see him soon, and that Uncle Zig loves him, very much. Please." I nodded. "And can you tell Clare I'm sorry for crashing the wedding, but congrats." I nodded again, watching him walk away.

Still in a bit of shock I turned back around to enter Clare's room, excited to give her some good news, but the nurse grabbed my attention. "Mr. Goldsworthy, may I speak to you a moment?"

I took a step toward her, putting my hands in my pockets. "Of course, is something wrong?"

She gave me a weak smile, that quickly turned to a frown. "Well, I just wanted to talk to you about your wife for a moment. I'm sure you noticed she's in a great amount of pain."

I nodded. "Yes, I don't understand. Clare wasn't sick like this before, at all."

The nurse put her hand on my shoulder, "This is a different cancer, a much stronger one. Not to mention she's in stage 3. The amount of treatment she needs is significantly greater than last time, and even that may not be enough. Sometimes these treatments do more harm than good"

I stepped back, shaking my head in anger. "She just started her treatment, no way in hell am I going to let you people start talking like that already. You don't know my wife, she's going to pull through no matter how much harder it's going to be than before."

The nurse clasped her hands together, "I just want you to be prepared for the likely outcome, for your sake and your lovely son's."

I looked down at the floor, and then back up at her. "Is it possible, that she can make it?"

She hesitantly responded. "Of course."

I half smiled, "Then you worry about your job, and leave the rest up to my wife."

I walked away from her and into Clare's room, practically throwing myself on her bed. She was sitting up watching Tv, her face paler than when I had left the room. "Eli, are you ok? What did Zig want?" She dryly asked.

I gently wrapped my arm around her, "Clare he's not going to try and take our son. Also, Darcy is here. She wanted to surprise you, so act surprised when she springs in here. I just wanted to give you fair warning, I need you stress free." Her shallow breathing began to pick up, concerning me. "I didn't mean to stress you out. Clare I'm so sorry, Should I get the nurse?"

She lightly laughed, "No, no. I'm very happy." As she said the words, her face told me another story.

I gently pulled her face towards me, pressing my forehead to hers. "Tell the truth."

She closed her eyes. "I don't want to die."

I winced in pain, but quickly shook her words off. "Hey." She slowly opened her eyes. "Where are you?"

She weakly smiled, "I'm right here, with you"

I kissed her nose, "As long as you're with me, it's going to be ok. I love you."

"I love you too." She breathed.


	28. Chapter 28

**3 weeks later**.

Clare sat on a chair in her hospital bathroom, staring into the mirror with tired eyes. She had been in that same position for hours, and nothing I said would pull her away from the mirror. Clare had refused to see Darcy until today, and she'd be showing up any minute now which concerned me. They were finally going to see each other after all these years, and I just wanted it to be as happy a moment as possible for Clare.

"For one second, one tiny second can you look at me Clare? I'm just asking for one."

Hearing the desperation in my voice, she finally pulled her eyes away from the mirror to look at me, causing me to breathe a sigh of relief. "It will grow back, do you hear me?" Clare stared blankly at me, giving no indication of a response. I knelt down taking her hands into mine, "If your hair never grew back, if you were bald forever, you'd still be the most beautiful girl in the whole world in my eyes. Your smile, your brain, the light I see when I look in your eyes, those are the things that make you beautiful...the things that make me love you. Don't forget that you are so much more than hair Clare."

Her facial expression stayed blank, but she lightly kissed me on the cheek. "I won't ask you to bear through this forever Eli. You deserve a wife, not a vegetable." She dryly stated.

I warmly smiled, "You don't have to ask me to do anything, I'm staying right here with you. My _wife_. And If you are a vegetable one day, or even a fruit, I'll still be here. Nothing will ever change that." I rested my head on her lap, and she began to play with my hair while humming the tune to our song. In that one moment I could close my eyes, and I could pretend that everything was ok again. It was breath of fresh air, but after a few minutes I forced myself to lift my head from her lap. "Clare, you know Darcy is coming."

Clare shakily stood up, and I wrapped my arm around her waist to support her. When we reached her bed I picked her up into my arms, which was an easy task since she had lost so much weight due to her treatment, and I put her back in her bed. "Thank you." She quietly whispered.

I kissed the top of her head, Causing my body to shiver due to the cold temperature of hers. It was yet another reminder of how sick she was. "I know I've been pushing you." I somberly admitted. "I'm sorry, and if you're not ready to see Darcy, you shouldn't have to."

Clare wearily smiled, "What brought that about? I'm glad that you push me Eli, I need that right now. Darcy is my sister, and she came all this way, I need to see her."

"I'm just in time then, aren't I baby Edwards?" The sound of her black heels clacking against the floor filled the quiet room, and Darcy slowly entered the room, tears already running down her face. "My god Clare, what are they doing to you." Darcy cried.

Clare shrugged, "Who needs weight watchers when there's cancer?" She dryly joked. I didn't like when Clare made jokes like that, but for the moment I let it go. This moment was about Clare and Darcy reuniting, I wouldn't ruin it.

I moved aside letting Darcy sit down beside Clare on the bed. She took Clare's face between her hands, staring intensely into her eyes. "My baby, you are so grown up. You're beautiful Clare, and I am so sorry I haven't been here. Do you hear me? I love you, and I'm sorry." Darcy's face was twisted in pain, and her lip began to quiver. Her emotions were so raw, and she made no effort to hide it.

Clare gently pulled Darcy's hands down from her face, "Darcy, it's ok. I know that you needed to get away from this place, I didn't understand before because I was too young, but I do now." Clare flashed that amazing smile of hers, and it melted and broke my heart all at the same time. I momentarily drowned the two girls chatter out, and I let my mind flash back to that sunny day, **_the_** day. I could picture it like it was yesterday, I was so angry inside, about everything. My parents sent me off to my first day of Degrassi in hopes that I'd be able to start fresh after Julia's death. The whole drive from my house to the school was spent imagining ways to get kicked out of it, and when I finally pulled up I had actually decided that running away altogether would be the best solution. I was so lost inside, and I was fighting with myself trying to make sense of my life, and trying to understand why I had been dealt such terrible cards. I was about to turn my hearse around when those famous glasses of Clare's, changed everything. When i got out of my car and handed her the newly broken glasses, everything that didn't make sense before became so simple. Everything in my life up to that point had happened so that I could find her.

As I was picturing her baby face, and that denim jacket she always wore, a smile spread across my face, but soon disappeared when Darcy's dramatic cried interrupted my thoughts.

Darcy shook her head. "It's no excuse, I should have come back the first time you were diagnosed with cancer! I'm sorry!" Darcy wiped her tears, "That's the past though, everything is going to change Clare. I'm here to help you get better, and to fix our family I promise you!"

Clare and I both glanced at each other in confusion, and then back to Darcy. "What exactly do you mean?" Clare hesitantly asked her.

Darcy frowned. "Mom, dad, you, and me...we were a God worshiping tight nit family. Somewhere along the way while I was gone, we lost that. Our parents are supposed to be together, we are all supposed to be together, that's the only way can truly get through this. We need to keep a united front if you're going to get better." Clare's face slightly fell, and Darcy noticed. "Oh no, I don't want you to worry about any of it Clare. I'll take care of it all, I promise."

I interjected, fearing that Darcy was beginning to upset Clare. "Darcy, we don't blame you, but you weren't here. You don't know how bad things were with your parents, that was a painful time and I don't think that opening those old wounds will help anyone." I spoke softly, trying to keep Darcy from becoming angry.

She gave me a menacing look anyways, and stood up from Clare's bed pointing her finger in my direction. "You. You're the cause of _everything_. Did you know that Clare Edwards wanted to wait until she was married to have sex? Does that ring a bell? "

I crossed my arms calmly, trying not let on how offended I was by her questions. "Of course I did, but what does that have to do with anything?" My mouth was slightly hung open, and I could see Clare beginning to tense up.

Darcy rolled her eyes, putting her hands on her hips. "You persuaded her to do things she never would have done otherwise, you slowly began infecting her with your sin, and YOU got her pregnant. If you hadn't come along, Clare would be focusing on herself and her recovery. Now though? Now She has to worry about a 6 year old boy while battling cancer, and at such a young age. Bravo Eli. Are you proud of yourself?"

"Darcy stop it!" Clare's voice came out raspy, but it was loud enough to cause myself and Darcy to jump.

Darcy looked down at the floor, unable to make eye contact with her sister. "Clare I'm sorry, but everything I'm saying is true. I won't apologize for speaking the truth." Darcy mumbled.

Clare shook her head. "No it is not. You are my sister and I love you, but Eli is my husband. I'm a big girl now, it's too little too late to rewind time. I'm Clare Goldsworthy now, not Edwards. You have to realize that the little girl you left behind is a mom, wife, and cancer survivor. I'm not the same, nor will I ever be."

Darcy's face began to fall, and her mouth started to form a line. "I just wanted to help."

Clare's face softened. "Then be my sister, but don't bash my husband, and don't insinuate your nephew is a burden. I love my boys, and if I didn't have them I don't think I'd be able to do this." Clare glanced at me, warming my heart.

Darcy started walking towards the door to leave, but gave Clare one last glance before exiting. "I love my nephew, and I love you. I hope you know I just want what's best for you, I'll be back tomorrow when Eli is at work."

When the door shut Clare began to cry. I walked over to sit on her bed, and held her small body in my arms. "It's ok, she'll come around blue eyes. She just can't accept that you're all grown up and she missed out, but the more she hangs around the better it will get."

"I just want my son." She sobbed.

"Anything you want." I croaked. I could only endure witnessing her suffer so much agony, and I started to feel like I was going to fall apart. I went to grab my phone from my pocket to call Mrs. Edwards to bring Adam over, but Clare quickly pulled on my arm to stop me. "Eli, Eli, hold on." She choked out.

I frantically got off the bed. "What's wrong Clare, what's wrong! Can you breathe? Clare talk!"

Her face had gone white, and there were sweat pellets forming on her forehead. Her mouth slightly opened, and liquid started to come out of it. I thought it was drool for a moment, but I quickly began to realize it was throw up. I picked her up into my arms, and ran her to the bathroom. As soon as her head was over the toilet she began to violently throw up, I was rubbing her back frantically as if it would make it all stop. This was so much harder than I had expected, and I just wanted it to stop. I closed my eyes, and I imagined her healthy baby face staring at me for the first time. That memory was all that was keeping me sane.

 _"So uh, I guess I'll see you around?"_

 _"Guess you will."_

And the boy who drove the hearse, was forever changed.

 **Because I haven't mentioned it in a while, I don't own Degrassi. Lol. Also to anon and prisca...I love you guys. Forever & then some :) **

**And to the guest that informed me that I (again) put the wrong chapter in the wrong story THANK YOU. Also, thanks for the kind words, you are a doll. 3**

 **And to every other Riebee out there that continues to consistently read THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could talk and interact with all of you beauties! Remember I'm only ever a review/tweet away if you have any comments or questions. Well, ImagineRie out ;-)**


	29. Chapter 29

I'm putting this chapter up to ask if anyone would like to take over this story for me? If no one who I think will do the story justice comes forward then I will finish it myself, but it will only have one more chapter. I don't want to rush the end, so I'd really like someone to adopt this story. If anyone is interested please message me :)


	30. Chapter 30

Eli's POV.

"I don't want to. Don't make me."

Those were the words I spoke to myself when the doctors finally told me there was nothing more that we could do for my love, my Clare. I then again repeated those same words to myself when I had to tell my son, that his mother was going to go away forever. I again am repeating the same words, only now I'm yelling them. I'm actually screaming them. At who? I don't really know, I'd have to guess God. I stumbled my way to the local church with red eyes, and a broken heart.

"I don't want to! Don't make me! Do not make me live without her, how could you even think of doing this to me! You're real right? Then everything they say about you must be real too, you must love us if you created us...you have to right? Then why would do you so evily do things to hurt us!" I was on my knees crying, shaking, maybe even dying myself. What i was feeling was so much more than hurt, it was hell. After everything I had ever done in my life to keep my Clare, God is just going to snatch her from me? It isn't fair that our son will one day grow up and look at me and say, "I wish my mom was here." Ive known for a month now that Clare is destined to slip away from us, but I could not bring myself to tell my child until a few days ago. As soon as he understood what I was saying, he stepped away from me and walked into his mothers room. His eyes changed in one second, in one second I broke all his trust in the world. The next few days he did not leave Clare's side unless forced, and he would not speak to me. He was blaming me for not saving his mom, for not keeping my promises. I promised him we'd all three be a family, I promised him his mom would be fine, I lied. Before coming here, I tired to embrace my son as he cried because his mother would not wake up, and I was rejected. Clare is still alive and breathing, but her pain has become so intense and her medication so strong that they are telling us to expect her to go within the next few hours while she slept. I should be by her side, but how in the world can I watch her die. I won't.

"Get up Eli, go to her now."

It was Darcy, showing up just when she wasn't wanted. Like always. "Go away."

Darcy knelt before me and took my hand. "I know I made these last few months hard on you, but it was only because I was trying everything in my power to try and get away from what's happening right now. I tried to rewind time, and now that reality is staring me in the face I realize that I was wrong. Eli nothing is going to make this go away, and we cant go back."

I looked at her and in the saddest and weakest sob I could muster, I begged her for mercy. " Please kill me." I cried. "Kill me as soon as she stops being, please Darcy don't make me do this. Please." Snot was dripping down my face and my lip was quiviering, but I did not care how pathetic and weak I was being. I just wanted it to all end.

Darcy frowned, as she lifted my weak body up. "She's waiting for you, you know she won't go until you're there. I don't want to make you do this." She let a tear fall as she held me up while staring into my eyes. "You have to do this. I'm making you do this."


	31. Chapter 31

Eli's POV

Darcy drove me to the hospital, and for the first time since she had come back from Africa she was silent. She didn't speak until we reached Clare's hospital room door. "You'll be the last one with her alive, ever. Can you just do me a favor? Can you tell her that I love her, and that she was always the pretty one where it really counted." Darcy held her hand over heart and her eyes shed tears. "Tell her she was the greatest, tell her she was everything I ever wanted to be."

I nodded. "I will." I turned from her, ready to do the hardest thing I had ever done. As I shut the door behind me my eyes immediately averted to the doctor standing before me.

" , I've been looking for you. Your wife, she is a strong one, if I'm going to be completely honest with you I'm surprised that she is still with us. I was expecting her to leave us hours ago, but I think she was waiting for you." I kept my eyes on the floor, never making eye contact with him. The doctor made his way to the door, stopping one last time when I spoke.

"There is no chance-"

"I'm sorry to intterupt you sir, but I can't bear for you to have any false hope. Your wife will not survive the night, it's a miracle that she's breathing even as we speak. For her to live past this and make a full recovery would be in my professional opinion something only possible if God himself walked in here and healed her. I'm so sorry, but you need to take your chance to say bye to your wife, and take it now."

I finally looked into his eyes, and I forced a weak smile. " I was going to ask if it were possible that she'd wake up before she passes."

The doctors face fell, and I could see that he felt terrible. I didn't blame him though, I had been difficult and in denial all the way until a few hours ago. "I'm not sure, its possible. We can always hope. I'll leave you with her now."

I closed my eyes in pain as he shut the door, I couldn't force myself to turn around and face her. After about five minutes I was sure I'd never be able to do it, I was going to lose my chance to hold her hand one last time, and to tell her I loved her.

"Eli, how long are you going to stand there? Its not like you to make a girl wait this long." Her voice was small, barley above a whisper, but I knew I wasn't crazy. It was her.

I spun around running to her side, and took her hand in mine. "Oh my God, baby. How long have you been awake, how are you feeling. I'm so sorry I took so long to get here. Please forgive me." I was sobbing, but she was somehow smiling.

"I have been awake most of today, I just felt like keeping my eyes closed. I didn't wanna see anyone but you anyways." I sobbed harder. "Shh. Don't cry anymore, come here my love." I layed beside her on the bed, and I wrapped my arms gently around her. I didn't say anything, I couldn't believe she was awake and I just wanted go enjoy it. "Elijah, where is our boy?"

I gulped. "With your mother, I didn't want him to see you go like this."

Clare sighed quietly. "That's what the doc said, that I'm going. Isn't that funny? One person says something is so, and just like that your life is over without you ever having a say." Clare nessled her head into the crook of my neck, and I felt my heart skip several beats. "I remember trying to keep our son from you like It was yesterday, I never wanted you to even know that he was yours. Somehow though the three of us ended up together in a home, like a real family. You and I are married, and everything was going to be amazing, and now it still is."

"No." I yelped. "It will never be amazing again, not without you."

"It will be, because it has to be. Despite what I tried to do, you still came into mine and our boys life, and that was for a reason. This reason. God knew I'd have to go soon, so he sent you to take care of our son. I had his past, now you have his future." Her voice was so weak, but so strong at the same time. It broke my heart.

"I will always take care of him clare , don't worry about that."

"I'm not worried , you have always taken care of me. My knight and shining armour."

"It's you who has always saved me. I don't know what I'll do without you, Clare I just might die." Despite her telling me to not cry, I began to weep again.

"Eli." She breathed. "We have experienced so much love in our time together, we are lucky. Most people will never know even a fraction of the love we have shared, but still, I want to cry too. I just don't have the energy too."

"Are you scared clare , because I am."

"Yes. I want to wake up tomorrow and watch cartoons with our son, and I want to kiss you, and I want to live. I am scared that the next time my eyes close, that I'll leave this earth never again being able to do those things."

"Stop. Look at us spending our last moments like this, we shouldn't be sad. I'm going to soak up this time, weather its a few more hours, or a few more minutes." I could feel Clare nod, and the next hour we spent holding each other while we talked about our memories, and she even laughed when I told her what Darcy had said about being jealous of her. Eventually Clare fell silent, she was just sleeping, but it felt like torture wondering if she would wake up one more time or if this was her final sleep. I closed my eyes as well, singing us to sleep.

"It's a beautiful night and I'm opened up

The look in your eyes says so much

Nothing can touch us out here

Don't know where we are but I know I see

A beautiful girl walking next to me

I need to hold you, my dear

Let's just take tonight, tonight slow

Cause I want to see where this, where this goes

I need you

I'd give you today but it's not mine yet."

Hey it's Riiiiiiie. Love you all :)


End file.
